Sunday, December 6, 2009

Thoughts and Thinkings...

"Wait A Minute" - Lawrence Flowers and Intercession
Witness Playlist:
"After the Storm Is Gone"
"Why Not"
"Learning to Love You"
"You Haven't Lived"
"Take the Time to Wait"

I told myself that I was going to "write" a lot more; I just wish there was some way to transmit my thoughts to blog, without the tedious process of typing and rearranging words and the like. I'm trying to maintain my word by writing a little more. There are soooooo many random thoughts that run through this big head of mine that I should be able to write something EVERY day...just don't have the desire to.

As this year is rapidly coming to a close, I'm being quite retrospective. I've done A LOT of things that I didn't think I would be able to do; I was blessed to bless others, I was able to do some light travelling, and even work on my attitude and what not. I think that this year was a VERY good year. Even though there were plenty of hiccups, failed friendships, faked relationships, and frayed acquaintanceships, I've done pretty well in maintaining my sanity. Plenty other people would have lost their minds or something worse, but God has kept me.

I've noticed how subjective honesty really is. Lots of people are quite unwilling to hear what you have to say, even if they've asked for your opinion. I won't name names, but there are a couple people that I came into 2009 with that I surely will NOT leave 2009 with. If you ever feel the need to question my friendship based on an opinion that you've asked of me, then we probably shouldn't've been friends to begin with. If you have to question my friendship based on something I know NOTHING about, even after I ask you what it's about, then it's probably for the best that we maintain our distance (literally and figuratively).

A lot of people don't take constructive criticism well; I can freely admit that there have been times where I've fallen into that category. It's because of it that I can say, through experience, that it depends on HOW that criticism is given. Of course, if it's given in a sardonic, condescending way, it's DEFinitely not going to be received any way other than sardonic and condescending. If it comes from a loving place, then of course it'll be loved. However, the receiver should be WILLING to receive it in love, and not as someone "trying to get them together" or something like that. Now, I never volunteer constructive criticism (unless I'm being sarcastic, which is my trademark and different altogether), but lots of people feel as if that's what they give me. I just smile it off and try extra hard not to G.G. with them...

Speaking of which, working in retail has taught me to be PATIENT. Lord knows, if I were my old self, I could NEVER work in retail and deal with irate customers and actually enjoy it. My coworkers and even nosy, overhearing customers have noticed how I handle situations with ease, whereas most others get flustered. Thankfully, patience is something that I have been blessed with lately. Before, I'd cast one aside with the slightest of ease, like turning a page or tossing trash. Now, I just smile through others' frustrations, for there's lots of victory in patience. In patience possess ye your souls...

Take the time to wait...

So, as I close out this year, I'm going to live it like I lived it thus I wanted to, dagnabbit!! LOL.

But best believe...I'ma do me in 2010...

Two fingaz!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Guess Who I Saw Today...

Musicking : "Guess Who I Saw Today" - Chante' Moore
"From Pain to Joy" - Betty Wright
"Chain of Broken Hearts" - Lisa Fischer

I parked my car and noticed that I was already late for work. It was a smooth drive from Savannah, minus the construction near Darien, GA, but stopping to get something to eat at a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut/KFC didn't seem to be the brightest idea, considering it added twenty minutes to my travel time (hence me being late for work). I ran into the apartment, grabbed the first pair of khaki pants and red shirt that was visible, and darted back to the car. I hadn't noticed the wind picked up until it tossed my dreadlocked ponytail onto my right shoulder. I chuckled at the thought and then entered my car. My routine set in: insert key, turn, release after ignition starts, scroll through Zune to play something decent and listenable, put on seatbelt, adjust AC, look down at my phone...

And in between looking at the phone and putting the car into drive to speed off, I looked up; not one of those random look-ups, but something forced, more pronounced than usual, as if someone called my name thisclose to my face. I looked up...

I saw him.

I stared for a moment, not really believing my eyes, and not really wanting to. I had to stare for a moment, as if my eyes needed to focus on what I was seeing, like being stranded in the Sahara and seeing a mirage of water ahead. I squinted to change focus, adjusted my glasses, anything, just to make sure I wasn't completely crazy.

It was him.

I wasn't sure how to feel, I didn't know what to say, I didn't remember anything I ate or what song I was listening to...I just blankly stared. He motioned at me, no, more like beckoned, as if he was calling me to get out of the car and at least speak, especially given that we made eye contact. Laughing at myself for knowing him more than I know myself, but cursing myself at the notion of actually getting out of the car, I put the car into drive and sped off. Of course, instinctively, I looked in my driver's side rearview mirror and the inside rearview to see if he was still standing there, which, much to my chagrin, he was.

I was in shock.

There he was; a man that I despised to no end at one point, decided to forgive, only to despise again for leaving me without calling, texting, emailing, Facebooking, MySpacing, Hi5ing, Tagging, Classmating, ANYTHING, just upped and stopped calling. Sure, the words "I love you" were said far more than once between us, but did I really mean it? I mean, the one man I could EVER love more than I love myself just upped and stopped calling and upped and stopped texting, whom I haven't seen in SOOOO long, just upped and stood in my parking lot out of the *bleep*ing blue sky?

I wasn't having it.

I can't remember what speed I was driving, I just remember hearing the flashing lights and sirens and wondering if they were behind me. I looked ahead and noticed that they weren't in front of me, so I was cool. At that moment, reality set back in; I was late for work!! I blasted the melismatic sounds of Betty Wright (I never noticed how much PREACHING she does inbetween all those vocal stylings) and felt the wind strongly punch my face, as if it was determined to get through me. I remember my tires screaming for some sense of mercy as I lurched the car in different directions, just to be less late for work than I could be. Parking spot, open door, exit, lock door, enter building. This routine was starting to get on my last bit of nerves, I kept telling myself.

Entering a less-than-chaotic store calms my nerves, that much I remember. I went to clock in for work and my mind goes back to my apartment parking lot and wondering if HE would ever decide to show up to my store. I recall him coming to my store once, a few years back. Not really knowing how to introduce him and not really wanting anyone to really notice our interaction, even though I'm sure they all did, even the bold few who decided to come speak. Only those closest to me got the REAL introduction; all others got the rushed change-of-subject sentence. My mind takes me back to that awkward time and then back to the present day, hoping that history does not repeat itself.

The goings-on of the day goes on, and eventually, it's time for my lunch. I have the pressure on my chest or heart or emotions or something, something that I really didn't want to talk about but definitely needed to. Instead of my usual routine of heading to McDonald's and praying that my parking space is still there upon my return, I decide to grab a pizza from the "food court" as it's affectionately called, and then go to the car to eat it and be away from the store. I get into the car, fiddle with my Zune and land on Lisa Fischer. I set the song and push play, and look up to see him standing there.

Him. Standing there.

I think of all those stalker movies and how the stalkee always seems to get injured or killed while trying to flee their stalker, and then I wonder how fast I can put the car in reverse and pull away, or at least hit some random cars to draw attention to the scene. Does he have a gun? Is he here to exact some sense of revenge for all those hurtful things I said before? "It wasn't my fault; you left ME!" I was thinking of saying if the approach seemed ominous. I sat there and watched him come closer to the car and then that beckon again. For some reason, the call was answered; I rolled my window down, just enough, and he peered in.

"Can we talk?"

Not wanting to attract any unwanted attention and feeling the waterworks begin, I obliged. He sat in the passenger seat, looked at me up and down, and hugged me. Not one of those I'm about to stab you in your back hugs, but one of those loving hugs...and then I felt the love all over again, the love I had longed for all those years ago, the feeling of him being there beside me and not letting the world and words of the world get me down, the love of it being just me and him against the world, no matter what the world was thinking or saying otherwise. It was at that moment that I didn't care who knew that I loved him, who saw me hug him, or who heard those loving words flow from our mouths to each other.

We loved each other, and that's all that mattered.

I grabbed my pizza and offered him some; he declined. We decided to go back into the store, to where we just sat and talked. Not just "hey, how are you doing" talk, but TALK as if there was nothing that wasn't worth saying. It was a gooooood talk, enough to matter; saying everything and nothing at the same time, just to hear each other's voice. I didn't care who saw and I didn't let anyone interrupt. I just sat there and listened and talked when it was my turn...

I noticed that it was time for me to go back to work and I stood up. I told him I needed to get back to work; he said he couldn't stay, he was just here for a moment. I didn't want him to leave; I wanted this moment to LAST. A couple co-workers looked at us and smiled. One said, "oh, so THIS is who you've been bragging about and talking about all this time; I can see why!" and then exchanged pleasantries. I was PROUD to introduce him to anyone who was willing to know who he was. I was ecstatic that people were embracing him and it felt good to know that people KNEW that I loved him. He turned to go home. I hugged him and told him that I would see him later; he said he couldn't wait to talk to me again. That felt soooo good. He got to the front door and almost-whispered, "I love you Jamaal."

"Are you going to clock in or what?"

I looked behind me. One of my co-workers was standing behind me in that typical, I'm-about-to-roll-my-neck-at-you-if-you-even-atTEMPT-to-get-smart-with-me exasperated look. I turned back around to see no one standing at the door, to which I just stared for a moment. The beeping of time clock commenced behind me and my co-worker swished by me. I sighed, stared at the door one more time, then turned back around to clock in for work. I took one step, stopped, looked up, sighed, and then, finally brought my mind and words together to say:

"I love you too, Daddy."

Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you. Rest in Peace.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Misconceptions of Me...

What's up to whomever may read this...

I've slacked on writing my thoughts out a lot more, simply because a) I don't think a lot of people would be interested in hearing my opinions about random stuff, and b) I haven't really made the time to do it. My life is just a mess and I need to get it together! LOL.

If you know me, one thing I absolutely HATE preconceived notions, especially those based upon who I may or may not associate with. I feel like I extend courtesy to people to not judge them based upon who they know or what they wear or how they look/sound/act, so I expect that same courtesy. Unfortunately, outside of my friends and associates, that is never the case. It's amazing, the stories I've heard about me. Just utter ridiculous mess...I cannot fathom that one would have enough time to concoct some random stuff about me or even any judgments about me based upon what others have said. If you have that much time, why not use it productively? Maybe you'd be a lot further in life...

For the record:
1) I have never, ever, in my entire life, looked down on ANYONE. I think people have that misconception because I try to carry myself in good standing. Heck, I'm 6'4"...I have no choice but to look down at you. One of my good friends told me once: "If you think I am looking down at you, you truly believe that you are beneath me." That quote has stuck with me and that's how I feel. It's not my fault that I walk confidently, I speak with articulation, and, I'd like to think, I look halfway decent. But, I don't let it get to my head at all. I just live my life how I want to. Furthermore, a lot of people think that because I may correct a mispronounced word or I give you a "WTF look" that means I'm being nasty or condescending; not at all. I just want so much more for you than you seem to want for yourself. If I continue to let you mispronounce a word or wear mix-match clothes, what kind of friend am I to NOT tell you? Someone who's not a friend won't give you that same help; they'd just discount you from jump.

2) I'm not bourgeious, boozhwah, whatever. I just like to live comfortably within my means. If I'm able to bless someone that has blessed me, why is that an issue? Yes, I have a car, but I have to keep it up just like you. I know from where I come, and Lord knows I'm not trying to go back there (figuratively), but that doesn't mean I go on these lavish spending sprees or rock the latest fashions. If I were able to, I MIGHT, but I don't, so shut up. LOL. I just wear what I think looks good on ME, not what I think you would think looks good. Stop the madness.

3) I try my best not to be judgmental. I have a wide array of friends; black, white, Puerto Rican, Chinese, tall, skinny, short, fat, straight, gay, bisexual, trisexual, ex-cons, future-cons, whatever! I don't have time to put friends through the application process to know if, in the future, they'll be amazing friends for life or just associates for that time period. I just know that I'm a big networker and even bigger friend. I love PEOPLE. I don't care what your past looks like, I don't care who you sleep with, I don't care how much money you have, I don't care where you live. As long as you don't directly affect me in a harmful way, we're cool. I don't boo-hoo when someone deletes me from MySpace or Facebook; nine times out of ten, if you delete me, you should have a LONG time ago, or you're deleting me over something petty and ridiculous, and for that, I don't need you anyway. That said, I'm a friend to anyone.

4) I'm NOT unapproachable. A lot of people think that I carry myself far above those that would like to converse with me, as if I wave my hand to people and say "be away from me". I've never done that. Sure, I may scoff at you and I may wave you off, but not because I'm above you; it could be a myriad of reasons why. LOL. Ask anyone who actually knows me, the real me, and they'd tell you that I am an amazing person once you get to know me. I speak to anyone who speaks to me and I have no hame in doing so. Just make sure if I speak to you that you extend that same courtesy.

All in all, I'm just me; love it or leave it. I'm not here to be friends with everyone and I don't particularly like everyone, and I don't HAVE to. If we click, we click; if we don't, SMD. LOL!!!!

I'm out...deuces!!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Racket Racket...

Anyone who knows me knows that I love tennis. If I can find me one good tennis partner here in Jacksonville, I would probably play every single day. It's good for fitness and cardio, so Lord knows I need to get out there.

Last week and this week, I have been following the US Open. For those of you that aren't tennis-minded, it's one of four major championships in the tennis world. It usually draws big names like Serena and Venus Williams, Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Andy Murray, Maria Sharapova, and Andy Roddick, amongst others.

However, I have really been getting into the story of this little girl named Melanie Oudin, who hails from Marietta, Georgia. I don't mean the "little" comment disrespectfully in the least regard. She's quite small, 5'6", and only - get this - 17 years old, but she has a mean game. She put a name for herself in tennis by beating former No. 1 ranked Jelena Jankovic in the third round of this year's Wimbledon (another major tournament), but she is now well-known for defeating #4 ranked and 2008 Olympic gold medalist Elena Demetieva; #29 seeded and another former #1 Maria Sharapova; and #13 seed Nadia Petrova, each of them in three sets. To beat all of those in the course of five days is insurmountable. With Maria Sharapova, Venus Williams, James Blake, and Andy Roddick all eliminated, she and Serena are the only ones I'm really looking out for. This girl is amazing!! She'll definitely be a player to watch from this day on, even if she doesn't win the tournament. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she even got to the finals...she said it herself: "This is really good for American tennis." I couldn't agree more; with the Williams sister being pretty hit or miss, she is the next highest ranked American woman; and she's ranked 70. Serena is currently at 2, Venus 3 (but she'll go down to 4 or 5 depending on the rest of the tournament), and Melanie Oudin at 70? Yes indeed; GREAT for women's tennis.

Given that there's no real American contender for the men's side, I'm looking forward to her playing more in the coming years. She reminds me of a younger Martina Hingis: not much power but supreme finesse. The only American male left in the draw is the 6'9" John Isner, but he's not much of a real player going up against the likes of Nadal, Federer, or even Djokovic. We'll see; but for now, it's all about Melanie...oh, and Serena too. LOL.

Just being honest; Serena would totally beat Melanie, but I think Melanie would give her some go. We'll see...

Sunday, August 23, 2009

BET and TVOne: Who's Really to Blame?

I've been involved in some marvelous communication lately with a couple television executives and some random, 'round-the-way television watchers. It seems as if people are growing incredibly irate with the current state of Black television. I've even read an article on concerning The Real Housewives of Atlanta and how black women are portrayed incorrectly. Overall, one resounding theme is that people are looking to BET and TVOne to promote African Americans as educated and intelligent individuals.

I'm not saying that we as a race are NOT intelligent and not educated. We do have a plethora of black-owned businesses, networks, etc. But, neither BET or TVOne are black-owned. One day, we'll come to a place where a fully black-owned mainstream media agent takes the world by storm.

That said, we cannot look to BET or TVOne as outlets of/for our intelligence. Granted, there is some decent educational programs on both networks that offer an insight into Black culture and values and history. But, I have noticed that the network personalities on both have failed to realize that it's not enough. It's just like BET on Sundays...there's about a four hour or so block of television devoted to the church, then it's back to regularly scheduled programming. Gone are the days of BET being completely devoted to God on Sundays.

But, as we delve into the past just a bit and then return to our present and future television, whose really to blame for the lack of educational Black programming on television?


Yes, I said it:

Us. We are.

It is us who fail to continually support our educational programs on said networks but will desperately tune in to see what Tiny and Toya are doing this week or continually watch rehashed re-runs of Sister, Sister or The Game.

It is us who nominally watched the documentaries on black race and socioeconomic challenges we face but routinely watch music countdowns to see if our favorite video made it to the countdown. It is us who barely watched the presidential coverage on BET but repeatedly watch the BET Awards to see the same thing we've seen twice, three times, or more times before. It is us who wouldn't discuss children's education on TeenSummit but have no problems discussing Beyonce's latest lacefront wig.

I'm not here to point fingers specifically, for I'm not blameless. I do watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I do watch some other reality programming, but I DO KNOW that I cannot blame BET for not showing more educational programming when I know most folks didn't watch it or don't want to watch it. We as a whole don't want to see something intelligent! We want to see whose wig is being snatched off and who's getting beat down or cursed out.

I'll quote a comment left on the article I read on

"It would be great if there was a high-quality cable station devoted to black issues, arts and culture, but for some reason nothing like this seems to fly on cable. Both Bravo and A&E started out with the intent of celebrating the arts, but soon took the low road instead."

Truer words are rarely spoken. Gone are the days of even those channels showing programs about space exploration and our history as a people, gone are the days of those channels showing how the world words financially and geologically. We now have rampant reality shows and who-wants-to-date-me type shows. What?

Channels like A&E and Bravo started out well and then changed its format, because WE changed it. BET had some decent programs and shows but soon changed because WE changed. Even MTV rarely shows music videos anymore except roughly between 3am and 10am, simply because that's not what we want to see.

So, because of our nosiness and interest in others' lives and the drama that unfolds when those lives intertwine, we lose programs that could help to propel us and our children into the future. We can't blame anyone until we ourselves can show a vested interest in quality programming.

"We can't blame someone for not doing something we failed to do ourselves..."

Monday, August 17, 2009

Getting It Together...

I did say some time ago that I was going to come in here and write a lot more often. I think I have become flooded with the Facebook popularity and finally being more active on MySpace; seems only natural that I would come back here. I'm thinking of making this blog the more exclusive one; no more notes on Facebook or blogs on MySpace unless I see fit to post them there. This will give me the opportunity to get back to actually writing. Following the shenanigans of my online and personal friends via their Facebooks and MySpaces are fun; however, they can become quite irritating over time because we all seem to have this different persona when it comes to sites like that. Here is where you will get my innermost thoughts and feelings about a myriad of subjects.

My so-called life? I'm living it. I think I hate the fact that I am still in Jacksonville and have grown complacent to a lot of its foolishness, but I've become too lazy to move somewhere else. My first choice would obviously be Chicago, but after visiting New York City for my birthday and becoming a totally different person while there has bumped that selection near the forefront. Houston is still an option as is Los Angeles. I think I need to really think about where I want to take my life in the next ten years.

I've decided that it's high time to get my career path going. Yes, I have dabbled in the journalism industry after college and it didn't fit my needs at that time, so that's still a viable option. I've toyed with the idea of teaching but the kids these days are scary! Maybe they just need that one teacher that's not going to take their sh*t and slap them around a couple times, like they did in the ol'school. Yes, Target is great and all, and it does pay the bills and has me coming into contact with a LOT of different people and personality types, but Target is a JOB...I want a career. I think I have played around a little too long while some peers younger than me have advanced a little further (I'm not envious at all; I've made my own decisions and lived with them). I think I have had a LOT of fun doing what I want to do when I want to do it's just time to squeeze in some grownmanness. LOL.

I've started singing with a gospel ministry here in Jacksonville and things are REALLY taking off. I'm so excited about them and love the spirit they possess jointly and severally. Our name is Ledger and Voices of Remnant. You can check us out at and even purchase our EP on there. I'm excited and I hope you can share in that enjoyment.

I'm also going to be in a commercial for the Channel 4 ten o'clock news here in Jacksonville. Shooting is taking place this Thursday and I am soooooo excited about that. While I am sitting here typing to whomever I should definitely be trying to memorize my script. Pity I haven't done so before.

And yes, I am quite single and I LOVE it. I do have my people that try to knock down my door but I don't have an interest in them. I have "dated" (and we use that term so loosely these days, but I mean the word "date" not "hookup") a couple individuals without taking it anywhere physically, but in some regards I don't think I am prepared for all the madness and work that goes along with a relationship. I have to get MYSELF together first before I can offer myself to someone else. Feel me?

I'm getting it together. You'll see...stay tuned...

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Bullseye Bullsh!t...

I'm going to try to get up in here a little more often to actually write stuff. I'm not going to try to get all meaningful or anything like that, but just basically explain my so-called life as I see it.

So, of course, most people that know me, know that I work at Target. It's a wonderful little company that tries so hard to establish itself as a diverse company (catch that subliminal message in there, if you can). Anyway, I can honestly say that I love what I do, whenever I do get the chance to really do it. But, as of late, I have really been encountering a LOT of foolishness that I typically DO NOT tolerate.

Back in October of 2008, I was the Food Avenue Team Leader. It was such a thankless job, for I was always under the impression that I was doing such a horrible job, even though I couldn't see where I was doing so badly. Nevertheless, the opportunity arose for me to become a GSA - Guest Service Attendant. Anyone who knows me knows I wanted to be a GSTL - Guest Service Team Leader, but the GSA position is not a lateral move, but more of a demotion. I was NOT interested in taking a marvelous steep decline in pay, so I negotiated to keep a reasonable amount of my pay for my voluntary demotion. It was accepted, so I accepted the position.

Some parts of me feel as if I have sold out or something. Granted, Food Avenue was a very stressful position to have, but it feels as if a lot of the responsibility of the Front End has been squarely placed on my shoulders, unnecessarily. I have been approached to "raise the guest survey scores", because everyone knows that I am quite friendly and approachable. That said, since I switched over, the survey scores have relatively increased and the Front End has gotten a LOT better, in my opinion.

However, it seems as if there is TOO mch responsibility placed on my position, even though it is NOT a team leader position. What is that about? Then, there are a couple persons that are in the team leader position (I won't divulge names simply to avoid feather-ruffling; I know for a fact that people google my name and this particular blog will come up, thanks) that DO NOT fit the particular position. I'd like to not feel like there is some favoritism, nepotism, or even some sense of discrimination (racial and sexist) going on, but it's hard to NOT take notice, if I can be so honest. You mean to tell me I can be reprimanded for sitting on the Guest Service desk and "talking about non-team member issues while the registers are in backup", but a certain GSTL can run rampant amongst the aisles in the store "helping guests"? You mean to tell me that a certain GSTL can continually remind me that I have no real control over the Front End because I am "just a GSA", but I can still be subject to disciplinary action for not closing registers and cleaning? Yo mean to tell me that I can be scheduled as a cashier (sans Wednesdays, my closing nights) but when a GSTL is scheduled he should NEVER touch a lane?

Maybe I'm just crazy. I'm going to leave this right where it is before this becomes a novel.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Musical Support...

What's going on people?

I know it's been a while since I have posted, but life has taken me in many different directions. Believe me when I say that my future is looking bright!! I've enjoyed more time with my family, I have been in the studio a little bit doing some session vocals, and I have been blessed to purchase a car that I LOVE. God is so awesome.

Okay, so, I wanted to talk about something today. As I was sitting in the Comfort Suites hotel (my mother and youngest brother have come down to visit), I had a good conversation with the front desk attendant. He happens to have a gospel group in the Jacksonville area, and we spoke about things and the music life here.

What dawned on me and what I told him was that it is really good to hear local groups actually support each other. He had gone to a concert for another gospel artist, and he had taken his group to show support. Now, I thought that was pretty admirable, because a lot of times you will have groups trying to outsing each other and outdo each other. It's good when groups can come together and enjoy a service together without someone oversinging or trying to show off how they may be better than the other.

I've noticed, in my long years of life, lol, that a lot of people and groups in the music industry (in each genre) will try to outdo the next artist. I've seen it in a music showcase and I've seen it at the Stellar Awards; I've seen it at the GMWA Convention and I have seen it at the Grammys. Everyone seems to be interested in seeing who can sing better than who, who can harmonize better, who can riff or run better, who has clearer runs, who can outgrowl you, and who shouldn't ever be singing at all to begin with. I think it's such a shame, when the focus should either be on the ministry or on the music (depending on which genre). That's why I was VERY glad to hear that an artist had no problems supporting the works of another.

I hope that when I get deeper into the music industry (if I ever choose to do so), people will actually notice that it's not about the melismas and the tightest SHOULD be all about supporting one another's craft. I'll pray on it...

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Goodbye...(Musicking Lisa)

I'm sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor as I type this (on my phone, no less), practically ignoring text messages and the like...

God has a way of bringing things to an end when you don't want to, but need to. I was thinking of a particular person who is trying to come back into my life, and I was dreading the decision to cancel them out. Reading my friend Corey's note about "cancelled programming" (Yes!!) was a good start...

Then, I'm half-listening to Lisa Fischer's So Intense album, half-pretending to clean my room, and I hear the last song on this CD. Mind you, I haven't ever really listened to the whole CD (I mean, it was released in the early 90s), but this particular song has been on repeat for the last three hours.

Last Goodbye
Lisa Fischer

I knew that this was coming
There'll be no looking back for me
I'm kind of glad it happened this way
There's not much more I can take

It's never easy when you have to bid a farewell
Right now I'm in a daze; I only hope I'll live to tell

Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye

I'll have to start from where I'm standing
There'll be no looking back for me
Understand that it's over and done
Love will take my memory

Soul doesn't grow with life
We must allow old wounds to heal
At least that's what I'm told
I only know the way I feel

Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye

It's never easy when you have to bid a farewell
Right now I'm in a daze; I only hope I'll live to tell

I know there's gonna be pain
But for some reason I'm not afraid
Because even the darkest night
Always leads to a brighter day

Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye.

Yep...def gonna mail this one out...or even email it.