Tuesday, October 28, 2008

10-28-08...Reflection...

Whattup peeps? I'm in my reflective mode...and this will be one of the most personal blogs I have ever written...

Today is October 28, 2008...as most everyone knows, my father passed away about three months ago (thirteen weeks to the day). Today, he would have been 49 years old.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. I've never been extremely close to my father, but that stems from me not really accepting the fact that he did the best job he could. I looked around at my friends, and even some of my family, who still had both their mothers and fathers as a permanent part of their family. Yes, I was an envious child; seemed to me the best families had both parents at home.

To no discredit to either of my parents, I had always wished that they were both there...maybe I would have grown up a different person? Don't get me wrong...I LOVE the me that I am today. Strong-willed, independent, opinionated, sarcastic, and critically analytical person that I am, I have grown into myself. Yet, I often wondered how I would have turned out had my father and mother been married and raised our family together. I'd be a lot closer to my sister and maybe most of our family wouldn't be so disjointed...

My father did the best job he could...he and my mother weren't married, and I wrongfully blamed him fully. He and my mother were both in the navy, deployed at different times, stationed at different places, simply because he and she were not married. Growing up, I never fully understood that...but it made me a bitter child towards my father. I'd blame him for the slightest things...I never hated him, ever at all...just wished he was there.

As I got older, I noticed my way of thinking was quite biased and even jaded. Nevertheless, I always realized that he wished he were closer to me...and wanted the best out of our family possible. He always spoke highly of his children and his family, even though, most of the time, we were some of the most dysfunctional people you would ever see. We needed our own reality TV show! LOL. Nevertheless, he had a deep-rooted sense of family that, even after his death, still holds today. I still run into people, via email and in person, that tell me how often he spoke of me, his son, doing so much educationally and being a role model for him. Go figure! The son being a model for the father? Surely, I MUST do that honor some justice, for he was a role model for me...

Yes, I miss him...yes, I wish I could take back all those years of misguided envy and loathing. But, I thank God for his time here on Earth...because he has helped me grow in more ways than one...

I think sometimes that I could never be the man my father was...but, I don't think I want to be anymore. I want to be the best me that I can be, based on his life and his experiences. Yes, I look like him, hell, even close to his twin. LOL. But, I'm me...

And that's just what he has taught me to be.

Love ya pops...rest easy. Be of good work to the Lord...
William Bailey - October 28, 1959 - July 30, 2008

Friday, October 17, 2008

Opinionations...

Hey hey, whatcha say?

So, check it. I've been lurking around a bit, reading some blogs here and there, and I'm seeing a resounding theme...and it's a bit disturbing to me.

There seems to be an influx of people who are unwilling to accept one's opinion...and right within my own close network.

I'm friends with a multitude of people who have differing and similar opinions on various subjects. There are times when I have vehemently disagreed with someone's opinion and there are times when I have fully supported someone's decision. However, I have never superimposed my opinion on anyone, nor have I ever engaged in a mudslinging campaign to denounce someone's opinion as blatantly biased and subjective...

Yes, it's wrong for someone to engage in name-calling and childlike retorts because your viewpoint differs from that of another; but, it makes you NO BETTER when you judge someone and criticize them for having a differing point of view.

We are all grown, consenting adults, and we all have the mental tools to agree to disagree in our debates without resorting to insults and namebashing campaigns with others. That shows a vindictive, retaliatory spirit that can eat you from your core without you realizing it...

And it's not a good look for your intelligence.

That's just my $0.02, 2¢, whatever...