Sunday, February 24, 2019
Thursday, September 15, 2011
AN ENTIRE YEAR??????????
I thought I would come on here and write a lil' thoughtful lil' blog or something, until I realize it has been an ENTIRE YEAR. LITERALLY, AN ENTIRE YEAR that I have written something here. I kid you not, I did NOT do that on purpose, waiting until today to post. I checked my dashboard for blogs that I follow and then I came here. Wow.
Well, wow. I mean, just wow. LOL!!!!
I have been running around a lot, I guess, mainly in the past few months. My background vocal calls and session singer calls have increased. I guess you can say that I am "in-demand". While there are MANY, MANY singers that I think are fifty times better than I am, I am thankful for any of the opportunities that I have been given, past, present or future. It's just something that I enjoy. I've never been one to REALLY want to be a solo artist or even a part of a world-renowned group or anything; I REALLY do like singing in the background. I have a LOT of tracks of me just singing the chorus to things to hear how the harmony sounds or things like that. I've done some demos of my own songs that I have written, but for the most part, they will remain largely unheard. I think one day I will get the bug again and actually finish a project, one that I can actually say that I am proud of. I'm not looking for fame and fortune or anything like that; I'd just like to say that I completed a CD. lol. I guess we will see, sooner or later.
As of late, that's really all that's been going on with me. I haven't really done much of anything outside of musical ventures, simply because that's a large part of my life. I guess I'm just too boring. LOL!
I thought I would come on here and write a lil' thoughtful lil' blog or something, until I realize it has been an ENTIRE YEAR. LITERALLY, AN ENTIRE YEAR that I have written something here. I kid you not, I did NOT do that on purpose, waiting until today to post. I checked my dashboard for blogs that I follow and then I came here. Wow.
Well, wow. I mean, just wow. LOL!!!!
I have been running around a lot, I guess, mainly in the past few months. My background vocal calls and session singer calls have increased. I guess you can say that I am "in-demand". While there are MANY, MANY singers that I think are fifty times better than I am, I am thankful for any of the opportunities that I have been given, past, present or future. It's just something that I enjoy. I've never been one to REALLY want to be a solo artist or even a part of a world-renowned group or anything; I REALLY do like singing in the background. I have a LOT of tracks of me just singing the chorus to things to hear how the harmony sounds or things like that. I've done some demos of my own songs that I have written, but for the most part, they will remain largely unheard. I think one day I will get the bug again and actually finish a project, one that I can actually say that I am proud of. I'm not looking for fame and fortune or anything like that; I'd just like to say that I completed a CD. lol. I guess we will see, sooner or later.
As of late, that's really all that's been going on with me. I haven't really done much of anything outside of musical ventures, simply because that's a large part of my life. I guess I'm just too boring. LOL!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
WhiteWashWorld....
I've never been prejudiced or racist about anything, nor have I ever been the "militant black guy", but I've noticed something on today's television...
Call me crazy, but what's with the disappearance of prominent, Black-themed shows on television? Gone are the days of Martin, Living Single, Half&Half, etc., now we practically have no predominantly-Black shows on television. Or maybe I'm not watching enough?
Surely it cannot be because no one is watching them. Examples:
The CW - The CW has never really been a force to be reckoned with when it came to network television, but some of the highest-rated shows on the network were the Black comedies. Girlfriends was an awesome show; disappeared. The Game was pretty good, too; gone over to BET. Half&Half was awesome, gone. Eve, funny as all get out; gone. The CW, according to a statement, wanted to remove all of the half-hour comedies from it's lineup to focus more on the hour-long formatted shows; yet, NOT ONE of them are what we'd call Black shows...really?
"Sherri" was a show that was on Lifetime that was absolutely funny. It starred Sherri Shepherd and a predominantly Black cast that gelled with each other for awesome comedic timing and wit. Gone, without explanation, even.
ABC cancelled "My Wife and Kids", hilarious in its own right, because the show was, allegedly, "played out"...who says that anymore?
Even on the Disney Channel, "That's So Raven" still shows old episodes from over three years ago...can I get a new one? All these shows on Disney now are full of mindless, non-talented teenagers and young adults...can I have a few Black faces thrown in there?
The only shows that immediately come to mind that are still on are "House of Payne" and "Meet the Browns", which probably has Tyler Perry spending his money to self-promote and keep on the air. "Are We There Yet" is being renewed for a few more seasons, maybe then it will grow on me.
What happened to the comedies of yesteryear? I say that because no Black-oriented drama series ever really fared well on TV, with the exception of The Wire, Lincoln Heights, and some more I can't really think of now (but not on network TV)...gone are the days of waiting to see The Cosy Show or In Living Color or Sister, Sister.
We have to settle for "Wizards of Waverly Place" and "Vampire Diaries".
I think I'll just pop in my Girlfriends DVDs.
Call me crazy, but what's with the disappearance of prominent, Black-themed shows on television? Gone are the days of Martin, Living Single, Half&Half, etc., now we practically have no predominantly-Black shows on television. Or maybe I'm not watching enough?
Surely it cannot be because no one is watching them. Examples:
The CW - The CW has never really been a force to be reckoned with when it came to network television, but some of the highest-rated shows on the network were the Black comedies. Girlfriends was an awesome show; disappeared. The Game was pretty good, too; gone over to BET. Half&Half was awesome, gone. Eve, funny as all get out; gone. The CW, according to a statement, wanted to remove all of the half-hour comedies from it's lineup to focus more on the hour-long formatted shows; yet, NOT ONE of them are what we'd call Black shows...really?
"Sherri" was a show that was on Lifetime that was absolutely funny. It starred Sherri Shepherd and a predominantly Black cast that gelled with each other for awesome comedic timing and wit. Gone, without explanation, even.
ABC cancelled "My Wife and Kids", hilarious in its own right, because the show was, allegedly, "played out"...who says that anymore?
Even on the Disney Channel, "That's So Raven" still shows old episodes from over three years ago...can I get a new one? All these shows on Disney now are full of mindless, non-talented teenagers and young adults...can I have a few Black faces thrown in there?
The only shows that immediately come to mind that are still on are "House of Payne" and "Meet the Browns", which probably has Tyler Perry spending his money to self-promote and keep on the air. "Are We There Yet" is being renewed for a few more seasons, maybe then it will grow on me.
What happened to the comedies of yesteryear? I say that because no Black-oriented drama series ever really fared well on TV, with the exception of The Wire, Lincoln Heights, and some more I can't really think of now (but not on network TV)...gone are the days of waiting to see The Cosy Show or In Living Color or Sister, Sister.
We have to settle for "Wizards of Waverly Place" and "Vampire Diaries".
I think I'll just pop in my Girlfriends DVDs.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Unwritten...
Musicking: "Occupy Until I Come" - Lexi
She was the first one to want to know the real me instead of the me that she heard about from others, the me she saw on my profile, the me that she saw on TV, the me that she saw walking the halls or the me she saw at concerts or other appearances. She was the first one to take me seriously, to understand my sarcasm wasn't a defense mechanism, and to know that when I said something I really meant it. She was the first one to really get inside my head and understand why I did or said the things I did.
She was the one that made sure that I looked appropriate for interviews or for concerts and appearances. She was the one that kept my weight right and made sure I cared about myself and my appearance. She was the one that made sure that education was my top priority, and that I stayed on top of my studies. She was the one that braided my hair, cut my fingernails and toenails, trimmed my sideburns and goatee, and ironed my clothes for the week (after she picked them out).
She was the first one that didn't decide my future for me, made sure I had a hand in those decisions. She was the one to support even my dumbest ideas and thoughts, even if they didn't agree with hers. She was the first woman that ACTUALLY didn't WANT to argue and get the upper hand in a disagreement. She was the first one to match my wit and sarcasm.
She was the first woman that didn't go all out to make me PROVE that I actually liked women. She was the first one to really burn into my mind that it didn't matter what people thought, it only mattered what I did. She was the main one in my corner. She was the one that I could actually see myself in my corner.
She was the one that my mother actually LIKED.
She was the one that I wanted to be with for the rest of my natural life.
But:
She wasn't perfect.
She was the first one to betray my trust. She was the first one to cast my name into the bottomless pit of rage and vindictiveness. She was the first one to want to seek revenge for a missed phone call or a missed text message. She was the one that stayed outside my house to make sure I didn't bring another female home.
She was the first one to break my emotional and mental defenses. She was the main catalyst for my weight fluctuations. She was the one to call some of my ideas and thoughts "stupid" and "moronic". She was the first woman to make me not really trust women (or anyone close to me for that matter). She was the first one to make me feel like I could never be worth anything.
She was the first woman to find whatever "dirt" she thought she had on me and try to use it against me. She was the first one to call anyone in my phone and tell them all about some lie she made up. She was the first one to actually attempt to be abusive. She was the first one to check up on me to see if I was where I said I was or doing what I said I was doing.
She was the one that became the hypocrite. She was the one that believed her friends before she believed me. She was the one that sullied my name to the best of her ability. She was the one that tried to turn my TRUE friends against me. She was the one that tried to turn my TRUE family against me.
But:
She was the first one I forgave. Not forgot, but forgave.
And then she was the first one that missed the water when the well ran completely dry.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I took the ring off my fourth finger, left hand, and placed it inside the box. I grabbed a couple more pieces of jewelry and placed it around the ring. I looked at the pictures that told of happier times and places seen and heard and put them in the box as well. I closed the box, taped it, and set it on the dresser to be taken to the post office first thing in the morning. The phone rang, and I answered it.
"Hey my son," my mother chimed. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I said. "Packed up some things, prepared to finally start this new chapter in my life."
"Oh Lord," my mother said and sighed. "Look at my son, trying to get all deep. Are you okay? You know you can always fly home and stay here if you want."
I smiled and chuckled a bit. "Nah, that's okay. I'm pretty sure I can handle this."
She gave me one of those snide mmmmhmmms and then chuckled herself. "Are you in for the night?"
"Yes," I told her as I stood up and headed towards the stack of DVDs. "I think I'll just watch some TV and then doze off for the night."
I reached for "Clueless" and took it out of the stack. A picture fell on the floor at my feet, and, instinctively, I picked it up. I looked at it and was immediately taken back to a place that I didn't want to go. I whispered to my mother that I'd call her back, much to her chagrin. I took the picture and sat on the bed and stared at it, not really or fully believing what I saw in it.
There I was, Kool-Aid smile intact, sitting next to her. In the front of us were twin boys that bore a striking resemblance to me with the same Kool-Aid grins on their faces. In her hands was a baby boy that had my nose and my eyebrows and my light eyes. I stared at the picture trying to remember how much time it was taken before the one night that shattered my entire life. My vision became blurry and the colors all melded together, so I blinked and let the floodgates rise and fall.
She was the one that broke my heart. Twice. In one night.
And my life as I knew it has never been the same again.
In one fell swoop, she took my kids, my ring, and my fiance all away from me. I had never in my life before felt like everything I had achieved, every goal attained, every prayer and wish answered was a lie. All lies. I never felt so lifeless and empty as the day the doctor confirmed what she told me. I never felt so betrayed, so hurt, so empty, so lifeless, so dead inside.
But:
She was the one I forgave. Never forgot, never will forget...but forgave.
"You think you know, but you have NO idea..."
She was the first one to want to know the real me instead of the me that she heard about from others, the me she saw on my profile, the me that she saw on TV, the me that she saw walking the halls or the me she saw at concerts or other appearances. She was the first one to take me seriously, to understand my sarcasm wasn't a defense mechanism, and to know that when I said something I really meant it. She was the first one to really get inside my head and understand why I did or said the things I did.
She was the one that made sure that I looked appropriate for interviews or for concerts and appearances. She was the one that kept my weight right and made sure I cared about myself and my appearance. She was the one that made sure that education was my top priority, and that I stayed on top of my studies. She was the one that braided my hair, cut my fingernails and toenails, trimmed my sideburns and goatee, and ironed my clothes for the week (after she picked them out).
She was the first one that didn't decide my future for me, made sure I had a hand in those decisions. She was the one to support even my dumbest ideas and thoughts, even if they didn't agree with hers. She was the first woman that ACTUALLY didn't WANT to argue and get the upper hand in a disagreement. She was the first one to match my wit and sarcasm.
She was the first woman that didn't go all out to make me PROVE that I actually liked women. She was the first one to really burn into my mind that it didn't matter what people thought, it only mattered what I did. She was the main one in my corner. She was the one that I could actually see myself in my corner.
She was the one that my mother actually LIKED.
She was the one that I wanted to be with for the rest of my natural life.
But:
She wasn't perfect.
She was the first one to betray my trust. She was the first one to cast my name into the bottomless pit of rage and vindictiveness. She was the first one to want to seek revenge for a missed phone call or a missed text message. She was the one that stayed outside my house to make sure I didn't bring another female home.
She was the first one to break my emotional and mental defenses. She was the main catalyst for my weight fluctuations. She was the one to call some of my ideas and thoughts "stupid" and "moronic". She was the first woman to make me not really trust women (or anyone close to me for that matter). She was the first one to make me feel like I could never be worth anything.
She was the first woman to find whatever "dirt" she thought she had on me and try to use it against me. She was the first one to call anyone in my phone and tell them all about some lie she made up. She was the first one to actually attempt to be abusive. She was the first one to check up on me to see if I was where I said I was or doing what I said I was doing.
She was the one that became the hypocrite. She was the one that believed her friends before she believed me. She was the one that sullied my name to the best of her ability. She was the one that tried to turn my TRUE friends against me. She was the one that tried to turn my TRUE family against me.
But:
She was the first one I forgave. Not forgot, but forgave.
And then she was the first one that missed the water when the well ran completely dry.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I took the ring off my fourth finger, left hand, and placed it inside the box. I grabbed a couple more pieces of jewelry and placed it around the ring. I looked at the pictures that told of happier times and places seen and heard and put them in the box as well. I closed the box, taped it, and set it on the dresser to be taken to the post office first thing in the morning. The phone rang, and I answered it.
"Hey my son," my mother chimed. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I said. "Packed up some things, prepared to finally start this new chapter in my life."
"Oh Lord," my mother said and sighed. "Look at my son, trying to get all deep. Are you okay? You know you can always fly home and stay here if you want."
I smiled and chuckled a bit. "Nah, that's okay. I'm pretty sure I can handle this."
She gave me one of those snide mmmmhmmms and then chuckled herself. "Are you in for the night?"
"Yes," I told her as I stood up and headed towards the stack of DVDs. "I think I'll just watch some TV and then doze off for the night."
I reached for "Clueless" and took it out of the stack. A picture fell on the floor at my feet, and, instinctively, I picked it up. I looked at it and was immediately taken back to a place that I didn't want to go. I whispered to my mother that I'd call her back, much to her chagrin. I took the picture and sat on the bed and stared at it, not really or fully believing what I saw in it.
There I was, Kool-Aid smile intact, sitting next to her. In the front of us were twin boys that bore a striking resemblance to me with the same Kool-Aid grins on their faces. In her hands was a baby boy that had my nose and my eyebrows and my light eyes. I stared at the picture trying to remember how much time it was taken before the one night that shattered my entire life. My vision became blurry and the colors all melded together, so I blinked and let the floodgates rise and fall.
She was the one that broke my heart. Twice. In one night.
And my life as I knew it has never been the same again.
In one fell swoop, she took my kids, my ring, and my fiance all away from me. I had never in my life before felt like everything I had achieved, every goal attained, every prayer and wish answered was a lie. All lies. I never felt so lifeless and empty as the day the doctor confirmed what she told me. I never felt so betrayed, so hurt, so empty, so lifeless, so dead inside.
But:
She was the one I forgave. Never forgot, never will forget...but forgave.
"You think you know, but you have NO idea..."
Thursday, April 1, 2010
My So-Called Life...
I told myself that I was going to write more, but for some reason I cannot find the knack for it. I don't know why; there are so many things that if I had the thought to write them down (random melodies, song lyrics, things to do, etc.) I'd probably be a lot more organized. I'll get it together sooner or later.
Being unemployed now (wow...reading that bothered me a little, but I won't edit it out of my writings) frees up a lot of time to...do nothing. LOL. Most of the time and most of the day, I sit around in tank top and draws doing nothing. Listening to music, watching DVR programming, short trips to Popeye's and random places notwithstanding, what is there to do? No job to wake up for, occasional meetings at the school, choir rehearsal...and then what?
It's funny...being unemployed has shown me the true nature of a LOT of people. When people THINK you don't have any money, they're less prone to invite you out to eat, less prone to invite you on random road trips, less prone to invite you to parties and what not. I still get invited to the occasional social events that I really don't want to attend to begin with, but sometimes, it's best to show your face so people don't worry about you and shower you with feigned pity. LOL. I support my friends and their events still with no concerns about my bills, because they are clearly paid for. That said, I know I have to be more financially responsible now that I don't have an extra income to fall back on. My bills are paid, food is stocked in the fridge, all that jazz...but no more Ferragamo boots or things like that. I might even have to eat at...dare I say it...Applebee's...nah, NOT happening anytime soon. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Sitting here listening to music with the TV off is making me be a little more real and honest than I usually would be, but I don't mind. More often than not I volunteer information in my quest to be transparent as often as possible, and that WILL continue, believe that. That said, here goes...
It's a little awkward waking up with nothing to do. I had fallen in the routine of waking up and begrudgingly dragging myself to work that I miss it. Granted, I DO NOT miss some of the people at The Bullseye, but there are some people that I do miss, even though I could just go up there anytime I'd like. The difference is, the time period. There was a lot of fun that I had at work and I'd wake up excited to work with CERTAIN people. I mean, there were people I know that I HATED to see, but I figured I didn't have to work with them as directly as I did with cashiers and guest service team members. The daily interactions I had with some people have even carried into my personal life, and I appreciate that to no end. However, that red and khaki was fun, I can't lie. I'm disappointed to an extent that I wasn't one of the "favorited" ones; I say that because the infraction I was fired for (yes, I don't mind telling people that I was fired, it's the truth) was something that almost every person in my position has done before. I think it's just a matter of who tells on you and who is told. LOL. I've really thought about that a lot and it bothers me that people would act so juvenile, but believe me when I say that KARMA is an evil heifer and she exacts her revenge mercilessly.
I'm feeling the need for a J-Bizzle Experience 2.0 (or is it 3.0?) in the near future. I think I want to get more of the western states in this time. Texas, Arkansas, California, Washington; states over there, not just states in the southeast and northeast like last year. I had an AMAZING time in Chicago, Washington D.C., New York, Boston, Charlotte, Atlanta, Norfolk, Philly (even though I just breezed through), Orlando, Tuscaloosa, and all the other places I went last year, but this year I want to really head WEST. So look out west coast. LOL.
Okay, I had my fun, but now I need to get into my music. I'm SOOOOOOOOOO behind on listening to my music that I'm going to be digging in this weekend HARD. Darien Brockington, Monica's latest, Erykah Badu, Raheem DeVaughn, Slim (from 112, finally), Coko's latest, just a BUNCH of stuff. Maybe I'll even write some reviews. LOL.
I'm out...two fingaz...
Being unemployed now (wow...reading that bothered me a little, but I won't edit it out of my writings) frees up a lot of time to...do nothing. LOL. Most of the time and most of the day, I sit around in tank top and draws doing nothing. Listening to music, watching DVR programming, short trips to Popeye's and random places notwithstanding, what is there to do? No job to wake up for, occasional meetings at the school, choir rehearsal...and then what?
It's funny...being unemployed has shown me the true nature of a LOT of people. When people THINK you don't have any money, they're less prone to invite you out to eat, less prone to invite you on random road trips, less prone to invite you to parties and what not. I still get invited to the occasional social events that I really don't want to attend to begin with, but sometimes, it's best to show your face so people don't worry about you and shower you with feigned pity. LOL. I support my friends and their events still with no concerns about my bills, because they are clearly paid for. That said, I know I have to be more financially responsible now that I don't have an extra income to fall back on. My bills are paid, food is stocked in the fridge, all that jazz...but no more Ferragamo boots or things like that. I might even have to eat at...dare I say it...Applebee's...nah, NOT happening anytime soon. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Sitting here listening to music with the TV off is making me be a little more real and honest than I usually would be, but I don't mind. More often than not I volunteer information in my quest to be transparent as often as possible, and that WILL continue, believe that. That said, here goes...
It's a little awkward waking up with nothing to do. I had fallen in the routine of waking up and begrudgingly dragging myself to work that I miss it. Granted, I DO NOT miss some of the people at The Bullseye, but there are some people that I do miss, even though I could just go up there anytime I'd like. The difference is, the time period. There was a lot of fun that I had at work and I'd wake up excited to work with CERTAIN people. I mean, there were people I know that I HATED to see, but I figured I didn't have to work with them as directly as I did with cashiers and guest service team members. The daily interactions I had with some people have even carried into my personal life, and I appreciate that to no end. However, that red and khaki was fun, I can't lie. I'm disappointed to an extent that I wasn't one of the "favorited" ones; I say that because the infraction I was fired for (yes, I don't mind telling people that I was fired, it's the truth) was something that almost every person in my position has done before. I think it's just a matter of who tells on you and who is told. LOL. I've really thought about that a lot and it bothers me that people would act so juvenile, but believe me when I say that KARMA is an evil heifer and she exacts her revenge mercilessly.
I'm feeling the need for a J-Bizzle Experience 2.0 (or is it 3.0?) in the near future. I think I want to get more of the western states in this time. Texas, Arkansas, California, Washington; states over there, not just states in the southeast and northeast like last year. I had an AMAZING time in Chicago, Washington D.C., New York, Boston, Charlotte, Atlanta, Norfolk, Philly (even though I just breezed through), Orlando, Tuscaloosa, and all the other places I went last year, but this year I want to really head WEST. So look out west coast. LOL.
Okay, I had my fun, but now I need to get into my music. I'm SOOOOOOOOOO behind on listening to my music that I'm going to be digging in this weekend HARD. Darien Brockington, Monica's latest, Erykah Badu, Raheem DeVaughn, Slim (from 112, finally), Coko's latest, just a BUNCH of stuff. Maybe I'll even write some reviews. LOL.
I'm out...two fingaz...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Sing, Sing, Sing!! (Not the Prison...)
Musicking:
"These Are the Last Days" - Twinkie Clark
"Valley of Lonely" - Betty Wright
"From Pain to Joy" - Betty Wright
When I was younger, as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a singer. I remember singing along with my mother to "Saturday Love" by Cherelle and Alexander O'Neal, singing "Through the Fire", and even singing the "whistle notes" in Shanice's "Lovin' You" (before I knew Minnie Riperton did the original and before the pubic hair set in). It just seemed like music was the place to be.
MANY years later, before the onset of commercial R&B (when people just needed to shake their a**es to obtain a record deal), I was a high school kid in my sophomore year, just singing for the fun of it, when I came across a couple friends that wanted to form a group. Up until then, I never took singing seriously, just playing around and what not. But, the group then actually had something, and that's where I learned harmony. I fiddled around previously with harmony, because I always seemed to hear the other parts other than the main one that everyone else would sing. But actually singing a harmony line by myself and hearing the sweet sound of it was great to me. It was then that I decided that I really didn't want to be much of a solo singer, but to be in a group.
Being in several groups and hearing SO many singers, professional or otherwise, has taught me something; opinions of good singing are SO varied. I've heard some legendary recording artists that I would never consider great singers, and I've heard some upcoming artists that I think can blow those same legends out the water. But, that's just me...if I were to list some of those legends that I think weren't or aren't all that great, sooo many people would think I had bumped my head and lost my mind. But, I promise I'm not crazy.
To me, a good singer doesn't do eight thousand runs in one sentence, knows the difference between "modulating" and "inverting", knows the difference between head voice and falsetto, knows what tessitura means, and doesn't rely on unnecessary vocal gimmicks. Or, even someone who may not have all the knowledge but just does something to my soul when they sing. Singers like Betty Wright, Lisa McClendon, Minnie Riperton, Donny Hathaway, Peabo Bryson, and Whitney Houston (before 2000) didn't have to do all those runs and riffs but just relied on their natural tone and sang WELL. It's singers like that that make me want to buy their albums. I mean, runs are cute and all, but runs don't make someone a great singer. Someone who can control the timbre in their voice, someone who can call forth emotions without showing it, someone who can tell a story with their voice; that's what I like.
I'm soooo not into a LOT of these "singers" of today. If one were to look into my Zune, you'd find much more music from the 80s and 90s than you would from the past couple of years. There are too many people out these days that go for the hit instead of the acclaim. I'd rather hear someone scat than scare. People have relied so heavily on their image and their beats and producers that the focus has gone away from the voice. What happened to the real singing? Auto-Tune? No. Breathy, rap-singing? I'll pass. Fifteen melismata in one word? Not necessary.
Just give me some good ol' singing, darn it!
"These Are the Last Days" - Twinkie Clark
"Valley of Lonely" - Betty Wright
"From Pain to Joy" - Betty Wright
When I was younger, as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a singer. I remember singing along with my mother to "Saturday Love" by Cherelle and Alexander O'Neal, singing "Through the Fire", and even singing the "whistle notes" in Shanice's "Lovin' You" (before I knew Minnie Riperton did the original and before the pubic hair set in). It just seemed like music was the place to be.
MANY years later, before the onset of commercial R&B (when people just needed to shake their a**es to obtain a record deal), I was a high school kid in my sophomore year, just singing for the fun of it, when I came across a couple friends that wanted to form a group. Up until then, I never took singing seriously, just playing around and what not. But, the group then actually had something, and that's where I learned harmony. I fiddled around previously with harmony, because I always seemed to hear the other parts other than the main one that everyone else would sing. But actually singing a harmony line by myself and hearing the sweet sound of it was great to me. It was then that I decided that I really didn't want to be much of a solo singer, but to be in a group.
Being in several groups and hearing SO many singers, professional or otherwise, has taught me something; opinions of good singing are SO varied. I've heard some legendary recording artists that I would never consider great singers, and I've heard some upcoming artists that I think can blow those same legends out the water. But, that's just me...if I were to list some of those legends that I think weren't or aren't all that great, sooo many people would think I had bumped my head and lost my mind. But, I promise I'm not crazy.
To me, a good singer doesn't do eight thousand runs in one sentence, knows the difference between "modulating" and "inverting", knows the difference between head voice and falsetto, knows what tessitura means, and doesn't rely on unnecessary vocal gimmicks. Or, even someone who may not have all the knowledge but just does something to my soul when they sing. Singers like Betty Wright, Lisa McClendon, Minnie Riperton, Donny Hathaway, Peabo Bryson, and Whitney Houston (before 2000) didn't have to do all those runs and riffs but just relied on their natural tone and sang WELL. It's singers like that that make me want to buy their albums. I mean, runs are cute and all, but runs don't make someone a great singer. Someone who can control the timbre in their voice, someone who can call forth emotions without showing it, someone who can tell a story with their voice; that's what I like.
I'm soooo not into a LOT of these "singers" of today. If one were to look into my Zune, you'd find much more music from the 80s and 90s than you would from the past couple of years. There are too many people out these days that go for the hit instead of the acclaim. I'd rather hear someone scat than scare. People have relied so heavily on their image and their beats and producers that the focus has gone away from the voice. What happened to the real singing? Auto-Tune? No. Breathy, rap-singing? I'll pass. Fifteen melismata in one word? Not necessary.
Just give me some good ol' singing, darn it!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year?
Today was January 1, 2010. And I practically forgot.
Wait, let me rephrase that. I didn't forget at all; I just didn't do any of the typical stuff most people who "celebrate" the ringing in of a new year do. No bowl games, no parties, no tailgating, no unnecessary traffic to wherever, no kazoos, no silly A firecrackers, no random and forwarded Happy New Year text messages/instant messages/Facebook wall posts/phone calls. Nope.
I went to work. Didn't do much at work, but I went. And left almost on time. For a change.
Now I'm sitting here watching some DVR content (namely, trying to catch up on "Smallville"), and reflecting on what has truly been a GOOD day. I didn't need to party or drink myself into oblivion; I just lived my life as I usually do.
Actually, I take that back. I went and ministered outside of Orlando at Mission Road COGIC with JLCMI's praise team (Love you Toni!!!!!!!!!!!), and throughly enjoyed myself. On the road trip back at 1:30 or so early this morning, I went into what I typically call a reflective daze. This usually happens when I ponder what I am going to do in the near future.
I thought back to 2009. I did a LOT of things that I would have never thought I'd be able to do, but with a little happenstance and blessings, I DID it. I OWN a car, not lease, not rent, not my-momma-bought-it-for-me; I OWN my car, I travelled to a LOT of places that I never visited or just wanted to see what happens there. I went to the Big Apple!! New York City!!!!!! I had the most amazing birthday weekend in NYC and met some GREAT people! From DC to Charlotte, Atlanta to SW Ga., Nashville to Chicago, New York to Norfolk, I DID some travelling and LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. So what, pray tell, can I do to top it off?
I have no clue. But I'm sure I'll have soooo much fun figuring it out.
2010 looks to be an amazing year. With my group, Ledger and Voices of Remnant on the comeup, I'm excited to see what may come and I thank God for ALL of it; the good, the bad, the ugly, and even all the foolishness in-between. Everything happens for a reason...I'm going to learn my lessons from ALL of them.
And that's enough reason to celebrate for me.
It's 2010 bastitches...to coin a phrase from my friend Farris: "MAKE IT COUNT!!!!!"
Wait, let me rephrase that. I didn't forget at all; I just didn't do any of the typical stuff most people who "celebrate" the ringing in of a new year do. No bowl games, no parties, no tailgating, no unnecessary traffic to wherever, no kazoos, no silly A firecrackers, no random and forwarded Happy New Year text messages/instant messages/Facebook wall posts/phone calls. Nope.
I went to work. Didn't do much at work, but I went. And left almost on time. For a change.
Now I'm sitting here watching some DVR content (namely, trying to catch up on "Smallville"), and reflecting on what has truly been a GOOD day. I didn't need to party or drink myself into oblivion; I just lived my life as I usually do.
Actually, I take that back. I went and ministered outside of Orlando at Mission Road COGIC with JLCMI's praise team (Love you Toni!!!!!!!!!!!), and throughly enjoyed myself. On the road trip back at 1:30 or so early this morning, I went into what I typically call a reflective daze. This usually happens when I ponder what I am going to do in the near future.
I thought back to 2009. I did a LOT of things that I would have never thought I'd be able to do, but with a little happenstance and blessings, I DID it. I OWN a car, not lease, not rent, not my-momma-bought-it-for-me; I OWN my car, I travelled to a LOT of places that I never visited or just wanted to see what happens there. I went to the Big Apple!! New York City!!!!!! I had the most amazing birthday weekend in NYC and met some GREAT people! From DC to Charlotte, Atlanta to SW Ga., Nashville to Chicago, New York to Norfolk, I DID some travelling and LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. So what, pray tell, can I do to top it off?
I have no clue. But I'm sure I'll have soooo much fun figuring it out.
2010 looks to be an amazing year. With my group, Ledger and Voices of Remnant on the comeup, I'm excited to see what may come and I thank God for ALL of it; the good, the bad, the ugly, and even all the foolishness in-between. Everything happens for a reason...I'm going to learn my lessons from ALL of them.
And that's enough reason to celebrate for me.
It's 2010 bastitches...to coin a phrase from my friend Farris: "MAKE IT COUNT!!!!!"
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thoughts and Thinkings...
Musicking:
"Wait A Minute" - Lawrence Flowers and Intercession
Witness Playlist:
"Thoughtful"
"After the Storm Is Gone"
"Why Not"
"Learning to Love You"
"You Haven't Lived"
"Take the Time to Wait"
I told myself that I was going to "write" a lot more; I just wish there was some way to transmit my thoughts to blog, without the tedious process of typing and rearranging words and the like. I'm trying to maintain my word by writing a little more. There are soooooo many random thoughts that run through this big head of mine that I should be able to write something EVERY day...just don't have the desire to.
As this year is rapidly coming to a close, I'm being quite retrospective. I've done A LOT of things that I didn't think I would be able to do; I was blessed to bless others, I was able to do some light travelling, and even work on my attitude and what not. I think that this year was a VERY good year. Even though there were plenty of hiccups, failed friendships, faked relationships, and frayed acquaintanceships, I've done pretty well in maintaining my sanity. Plenty other people would have lost their minds or something worse, but God has kept me.
I've noticed how subjective honesty really is. Lots of people are quite unwilling to hear what you have to say, even if they've asked for your opinion. I won't name names, but there are a couple people that I came into 2009 with that I surely will NOT leave 2009 with. If you ever feel the need to question my friendship based on an opinion that you've asked of me, then we probably shouldn't've been friends to begin with. If you have to question my friendship based on something I know NOTHING about, even after I ask you what it's about, then it's probably for the best that we maintain our distance (literally and figuratively).
A lot of people don't take constructive criticism well; I can freely admit that there have been times where I've fallen into that category. It's because of it that I can say, through experience, that it depends on HOW that criticism is given. Of course, if it's given in a sardonic, condescending way, it's DEFinitely not going to be received any way other than sardonic and condescending. If it comes from a loving place, then of course it'll be loved. However, the receiver should be WILLING to receive it in love, and not as someone "trying to get them together" or something like that. Now, I never volunteer constructive criticism (unless I'm being sarcastic, which is my trademark and different altogether), but lots of people feel as if that's what they give me. I just smile it off and try extra hard not to G.G. with them...
Speaking of which, working in retail has taught me to be PATIENT. Lord knows, if I were my old self, I could NEVER work in retail and deal with irate customers and actually enjoy it. My coworkers and even nosy, overhearing customers have noticed how I handle situations with ease, whereas most others get flustered. Thankfully, patience is something that I have been blessed with lately. Before, I'd cast one aside with the slightest of ease, like turning a page or tossing trash. Now, I just smile through others' frustrations, for there's lots of victory in patience. In patience possess ye your souls...
Take the time to wait...
So, as I close out this year, I'm going to live it like I lived it thus far...how I wanted to, dagnabbit!! LOL.
But best believe...I'ma do me in 2010...
Two fingaz!!
"Wait A Minute" - Lawrence Flowers and Intercession
Witness Playlist:
"Thoughtful"
"After the Storm Is Gone"
"Why Not"
"Learning to Love You"
"You Haven't Lived"
"Take the Time to Wait"
I told myself that I was going to "write" a lot more; I just wish there was some way to transmit my thoughts to blog, without the tedious process of typing and rearranging words and the like. I'm trying to maintain my word by writing a little more. There are soooooo many random thoughts that run through this big head of mine that I should be able to write something EVERY day...just don't have the desire to.
As this year is rapidly coming to a close, I'm being quite retrospective. I've done A LOT of things that I didn't think I would be able to do; I was blessed to bless others, I was able to do some light travelling, and even work on my attitude and what not. I think that this year was a VERY good year. Even though there were plenty of hiccups, failed friendships, faked relationships, and frayed acquaintanceships, I've done pretty well in maintaining my sanity. Plenty other people would have lost their minds or something worse, but God has kept me.
I've noticed how subjective honesty really is. Lots of people are quite unwilling to hear what you have to say, even if they've asked for your opinion. I won't name names, but there are a couple people that I came into 2009 with that I surely will NOT leave 2009 with. If you ever feel the need to question my friendship based on an opinion that you've asked of me, then we probably shouldn't've been friends to begin with. If you have to question my friendship based on something I know NOTHING about, even after I ask you what it's about, then it's probably for the best that we maintain our distance (literally and figuratively).
A lot of people don't take constructive criticism well; I can freely admit that there have been times where I've fallen into that category. It's because of it that I can say, through experience, that it depends on HOW that criticism is given. Of course, if it's given in a sardonic, condescending way, it's DEFinitely not going to be received any way other than sardonic and condescending. If it comes from a loving place, then of course it'll be loved. However, the receiver should be WILLING to receive it in love, and not as someone "trying to get them together" or something like that. Now, I never volunteer constructive criticism (unless I'm being sarcastic, which is my trademark and different altogether), but lots of people feel as if that's what they give me. I just smile it off and try extra hard not to G.G. with them...
Speaking of which, working in retail has taught me to be PATIENT. Lord knows, if I were my old self, I could NEVER work in retail and deal with irate customers and actually enjoy it. My coworkers and even nosy, overhearing customers have noticed how I handle situations with ease, whereas most others get flustered. Thankfully, patience is something that I have been blessed with lately. Before, I'd cast one aside with the slightest of ease, like turning a page or tossing trash. Now, I just smile through others' frustrations, for there's lots of victory in patience. In patience possess ye your souls...
Take the time to wait...
So, as I close out this year, I'm going to live it like I lived it thus far...how I wanted to, dagnabbit!! LOL.
But best believe...I'ma do me in 2010...
Two fingaz!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Guess Who I Saw Today...
Musicking : "Guess Who I Saw Today" - Chante' Moore
"From Pain to Joy" - Betty Wright
"Chain of Broken Hearts" - Lisa Fischer
I parked my car and noticed that I was already late for work. It was a smooth drive from Savannah, minus the construction near Darien, GA, but stopping to get something to eat at a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut/KFC didn't seem to be the brightest idea, considering it added twenty minutes to my travel time (hence me being late for work). I ran into the apartment, grabbed the first pair of khaki pants and red shirt that was visible, and darted back to the car. I hadn't noticed the wind picked up until it tossed my dreadlocked ponytail onto my right shoulder. I chuckled at the thought and then entered my car. My routine set in: insert key, turn, release after ignition starts, scroll through Zune to play something decent and listenable, put on seatbelt, adjust AC, look down at my phone...
And in between looking at the phone and putting the car into drive to speed off, I looked up; not one of those random look-ups, but something forced, more pronounced than usual, as if someone called my name thisclose to my face. I looked up...
I saw him.
I stared for a moment, not really believing my eyes, and not really wanting to. I had to stare for a moment, as if my eyes needed to focus on what I was seeing, like being stranded in the Sahara and seeing a mirage of water ahead. I squinted to change focus, adjusted my glasses, anything, just to make sure I wasn't completely crazy.
It was him.
I wasn't sure how to feel, I didn't know what to say, I didn't remember anything I ate or what song I was listening to...I just blankly stared. He motioned at me, no, more like beckoned, as if he was calling me to get out of the car and at least speak, especially given that we made eye contact. Laughing at myself for knowing him more than I know myself, but cursing myself at the notion of actually getting out of the car, I put the car into drive and sped off. Of course, instinctively, I looked in my driver's side rearview mirror and the inside rearview to see if he was still standing there, which, much to my chagrin, he was.
I was in shock.
There he was; a man that I despised to no end at one point, decided to forgive, only to despise again for leaving me without calling, texting, emailing, Facebooking, MySpacing, Hi5ing, Tagging, Classmating, ANYTHING, just upped and stopped calling. Sure, the words "I love you" were said far more than once between us, but did I really mean it? I mean, the one man I could EVER love more than I love myself just upped and stopped calling and upped and stopped texting, whom I haven't seen in SOOOO long, just upped and stood in my parking lot out of the *bleep*ing blue sky?
I wasn't having it.
I can't remember what speed I was driving, I just remember hearing the flashing lights and sirens and wondering if they were behind me. I looked ahead and noticed that they weren't in front of me, so I was cool. At that moment, reality set back in; I was late for work!! I blasted the melismatic sounds of Betty Wright (I never noticed how much PREACHING she does inbetween all those vocal stylings) and felt the wind strongly punch my face, as if it was determined to get through me. I remember my tires screaming for some sense of mercy as I lurched the car in different directions, just to be less late for work than I could be. Parking spot, open door, exit, lock door, enter building. This routine was starting to get on my last bit of nerves, I kept telling myself.
Entering a less-than-chaotic store calms my nerves, that much I remember. I went to clock in for work and my mind goes back to my apartment parking lot and wondering if HE would ever decide to show up to my store. I recall him coming to my store once, a few years back. Not really knowing how to introduce him and not really wanting anyone to really notice our interaction, even though I'm sure they all did, even the bold few who decided to come speak. Only those closest to me got the REAL introduction; all others got the rushed change-of-subject sentence. My mind takes me back to that awkward time and then back to the present day, hoping that history does not repeat itself.
The goings-on of the day goes on, and eventually, it's time for my lunch. I have the pressure on my chest or heart or emotions or something, something that I really didn't want to talk about but definitely needed to. Instead of my usual routine of heading to McDonald's and praying that my parking space is still there upon my return, I decide to grab a pizza from the "food court" as it's affectionately called, and then go to the car to eat it and be away from the store. I get into the car, fiddle with my Zune and land on Lisa Fischer. I set the song and push play, and look up to see him standing there.
Him. Standing there.
I think of all those stalker movies and how the stalkee always seems to get injured or killed while trying to flee their stalker, and then I wonder how fast I can put the car in reverse and pull away, or at least hit some random cars to draw attention to the scene. Does he have a gun? Is he here to exact some sense of revenge for all those hurtful things I said before? "It wasn't my fault; you left ME!" I was thinking of saying if the approach seemed ominous. I sat there and watched him come closer to the car and then that beckon again. For some reason, the call was answered; I rolled my window down, just enough, and he peered in.
"Can we talk?"
Not wanting to attract any unwanted attention and feeling the waterworks begin, I obliged. He sat in the passenger seat, looked at me up and down, and hugged me. Not one of those I'm about to stab you in your back hugs, but one of those loving hugs...and then I felt the love all over again, the love I had longed for all those years ago, the feeling of him being there beside me and not letting the world and words of the world get me down, the love of it being just me and him against the world, no matter what the world was thinking or saying otherwise. It was at that moment that I didn't care who knew that I loved him, who saw me hug him, or who heard those loving words flow from our mouths to each other.
We loved each other, and that's all that mattered.
I grabbed my pizza and offered him some; he declined. We decided to go back into the store, to where we just sat and talked. Not just "hey, how are you doing" talk, but TALK as if there was nothing that wasn't worth saying. It was a gooooood talk, enough to matter; saying everything and nothing at the same time, just to hear each other's voice. I didn't care who saw and I didn't let anyone interrupt. I just sat there and listened and talked when it was my turn...
I noticed that it was time for me to go back to work and I stood up. I told him I needed to get back to work; he said he couldn't stay, he was just here for a moment. I didn't want him to leave; I wanted this moment to LAST. A couple co-workers looked at us and smiled. One said, "oh, so THIS is who you've been bragging about and talking about all this time; I can see why!" and then exchanged pleasantries. I was PROUD to introduce him to anyone who was willing to know who he was. I was ecstatic that people were embracing him and it felt good to know that people KNEW that I loved him. He turned to go home. I hugged him and told him that I would see him later; he said he couldn't wait to talk to me again. That felt soooo good. He got to the front door and almost-whispered, "I love you Jamaal."
"Are you going to clock in or what?"
I looked behind me. One of my co-workers was standing behind me in that typical, I'm-about-to-roll-my-neck-at-you-if-you-even-atTEMPT-to-get-smart-with-me exasperated look. I turned back around to see no one standing at the door, to which I just stared for a moment. The beeping of time clock commenced behind me and my co-worker swished by me. I sighed, stared at the door one more time, then turned back around to clock in for work. I took one step, stopped, looked up, sighed, and then, finally brought my mind and words together to say:
"I love you too, Daddy."
Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you. Rest in Peace.
"From Pain to Joy" - Betty Wright
"Chain of Broken Hearts" - Lisa Fischer
I parked my car and noticed that I was already late for work. It was a smooth drive from Savannah, minus the construction near Darien, GA, but stopping to get something to eat at a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut/KFC didn't seem to be the brightest idea, considering it added twenty minutes to my travel time (hence me being late for work). I ran into the apartment, grabbed the first pair of khaki pants and red shirt that was visible, and darted back to the car. I hadn't noticed the wind picked up until it tossed my dreadlocked ponytail onto my right shoulder. I chuckled at the thought and then entered my car. My routine set in: insert key, turn, release after ignition starts, scroll through Zune to play something decent and listenable, put on seatbelt, adjust AC, look down at my phone...
And in between looking at the phone and putting the car into drive to speed off, I looked up; not one of those random look-ups, but something forced, more pronounced than usual, as if someone called my name thisclose to my face. I looked up...
I saw him.
I stared for a moment, not really believing my eyes, and not really wanting to. I had to stare for a moment, as if my eyes needed to focus on what I was seeing, like being stranded in the Sahara and seeing a mirage of water ahead. I squinted to change focus, adjusted my glasses, anything, just to make sure I wasn't completely crazy.
It was him.
I wasn't sure how to feel, I didn't know what to say, I didn't remember anything I ate or what song I was listening to...I just blankly stared. He motioned at me, no, more like beckoned, as if he was calling me to get out of the car and at least speak, especially given that we made eye contact. Laughing at myself for knowing him more than I know myself, but cursing myself at the notion of actually getting out of the car, I put the car into drive and sped off. Of course, instinctively, I looked in my driver's side rearview mirror and the inside rearview to see if he was still standing there, which, much to my chagrin, he was.
I was in shock.
There he was; a man that I despised to no end at one point, decided to forgive, only to despise again for leaving me without calling, texting, emailing, Facebooking, MySpacing, Hi5ing, Tagging, Classmating, ANYTHING, just upped and stopped calling. Sure, the words "I love you" were said far more than once between us, but did I really mean it? I mean, the one man I could EVER love more than I love myself just upped and stopped calling and upped and stopped texting, whom I haven't seen in SOOOO long, just upped and stood in my parking lot out of the *bleep*ing blue sky?
I wasn't having it.
I can't remember what speed I was driving, I just remember hearing the flashing lights and sirens and wondering if they were behind me. I looked ahead and noticed that they weren't in front of me, so I was cool. At that moment, reality set back in; I was late for work!! I blasted the melismatic sounds of Betty Wright (I never noticed how much PREACHING she does inbetween all those vocal stylings) and felt the wind strongly punch my face, as if it was determined to get through me. I remember my tires screaming for some sense of mercy as I lurched the car in different directions, just to be less late for work than I could be. Parking spot, open door, exit, lock door, enter building. This routine was starting to get on my last bit of nerves, I kept telling myself.
Entering a less-than-chaotic store calms my nerves, that much I remember. I went to clock in for work and my mind goes back to my apartment parking lot and wondering if HE would ever decide to show up to my store. I recall him coming to my store once, a few years back. Not really knowing how to introduce him and not really wanting anyone to really notice our interaction, even though I'm sure they all did, even the bold few who decided to come speak. Only those closest to me got the REAL introduction; all others got the rushed change-of-subject sentence. My mind takes me back to that awkward time and then back to the present day, hoping that history does not repeat itself.
The goings-on of the day goes on, and eventually, it's time for my lunch. I have the pressure on my chest or heart or emotions or something, something that I really didn't want to talk about but definitely needed to. Instead of my usual routine of heading to McDonald's and praying that my parking space is still there upon my return, I decide to grab a pizza from the "food court" as it's affectionately called, and then go to the car to eat it and be away from the store. I get into the car, fiddle with my Zune and land on Lisa Fischer. I set the song and push play, and look up to see him standing there.
Him. Standing there.
I think of all those stalker movies and how the stalkee always seems to get injured or killed while trying to flee their stalker, and then I wonder how fast I can put the car in reverse and pull away, or at least hit some random cars to draw attention to the scene. Does he have a gun? Is he here to exact some sense of revenge for all those hurtful things I said before? "It wasn't my fault; you left ME!" I was thinking of saying if the approach seemed ominous. I sat there and watched him come closer to the car and then that beckon again. For some reason, the call was answered; I rolled my window down, just enough, and he peered in.
"Can we talk?"
Not wanting to attract any unwanted attention and feeling the waterworks begin, I obliged. He sat in the passenger seat, looked at me up and down, and hugged me. Not one of those I'm about to stab you in your back hugs, but one of those loving hugs...and then I felt the love all over again, the love I had longed for all those years ago, the feeling of him being there beside me and not letting the world and words of the world get me down, the love of it being just me and him against the world, no matter what the world was thinking or saying otherwise. It was at that moment that I didn't care who knew that I loved him, who saw me hug him, or who heard those loving words flow from our mouths to each other.
We loved each other, and that's all that mattered.
I grabbed my pizza and offered him some; he declined. We decided to go back into the store, to where we just sat and talked. Not just "hey, how are you doing" talk, but TALK as if there was nothing that wasn't worth saying. It was a gooooood talk, enough to matter; saying everything and nothing at the same time, just to hear each other's voice. I didn't care who saw and I didn't let anyone interrupt. I just sat there and listened and talked when it was my turn...
I noticed that it was time for me to go back to work and I stood up. I told him I needed to get back to work; he said he couldn't stay, he was just here for a moment. I didn't want him to leave; I wanted this moment to LAST. A couple co-workers looked at us and smiled. One said, "oh, so THIS is who you've been bragging about and talking about all this time; I can see why!" and then exchanged pleasantries. I was PROUD to introduce him to anyone who was willing to know who he was. I was ecstatic that people were embracing him and it felt good to know that people KNEW that I loved him. He turned to go home. I hugged him and told him that I would see him later; he said he couldn't wait to talk to me again. That felt soooo good. He got to the front door and almost-whispered, "I love you Jamaal."
"Are you going to clock in or what?"
I looked behind me. One of my co-workers was standing behind me in that typical, I'm-about-to-roll-my-neck-at-you-if-you-even-atTEMPT-to-get-smart-with-me exasperated look. I turned back around to see no one standing at the door, to which I just stared for a moment. The beeping of time clock commenced behind me and my co-worker swished by me. I sighed, stared at the door one more time, then turned back around to clock in for work. I took one step, stopped, looked up, sighed, and then, finally brought my mind and words together to say:
"I love you too, Daddy."
Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you. Rest in Peace.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Misconceptions of Me...
What's up to whomever may read this...
I've slacked on writing my thoughts out a lot more, simply because a) I don't think a lot of people would be interested in hearing my opinions about random stuff, and b) I haven't really made the time to do it. My life is just a mess and I need to get it together! LOL.
If you know me, one thing I absolutely HATE preconceived notions, especially those based upon who I may or may not associate with. I feel like I extend courtesy to people to not judge them based upon who they know or what they wear or how they look/sound/act, so I expect that same courtesy. Unfortunately, outside of my friends and associates, that is never the case. It's amazing, the stories I've heard about me. Just utter ridiculous mess...I cannot fathom that one would have enough time to concoct some random stuff about me or even any judgments about me based upon what others have said. If you have that much time, why not use it productively? Maybe you'd be a lot further in life...
For the record:
1) I have never, ever, in my entire life, looked down on ANYONE. I think people have that misconception because I try to carry myself in good standing. Heck, I'm 6'4"...I have no choice but to look down at you. One of my good friends told me once: "If you think I am looking down at you, you truly believe that you are beneath me." That quote has stuck with me and that's how I feel. It's not my fault that I walk confidently, I speak with articulation, and, I'd like to think, I look halfway decent. But, I don't let it get to my head at all. I just live my life how I want to. Furthermore, a lot of people think that because I may correct a mispronounced word or I give you a "WTF look" that means I'm being nasty or condescending; not at all. I just want so much more for you than you seem to want for yourself. If I continue to let you mispronounce a word or wear mix-match clothes, what kind of friend am I to NOT tell you? Someone who's not a friend won't give you that same help; they'd just discount you from jump.
2) I'm not bourgeious, boozhwah, whatever. I just like to live comfortably within my means. If I'm able to bless someone that has blessed me, why is that an issue? Yes, I have a car, but I have to keep it up just like you. I know from where I come, and Lord knows I'm not trying to go back there (figuratively), but that doesn't mean I go on these lavish spending sprees or rock the latest fashions. If I were able to, I MIGHT, but I don't, so shut up. LOL. I just wear what I think looks good on ME, not what I think you would think looks good. Stop the madness.
3) I try my best not to be judgmental. I have a wide array of friends; black, white, Puerto Rican, Chinese, tall, skinny, short, fat, straight, gay, bisexual, trisexual, ex-cons, future-cons, whatever! I don't have time to put friends through the application process to know if, in the future, they'll be amazing friends for life or just associates for that time period. I just know that I'm a big networker and even bigger friend. I love PEOPLE. I don't care what your past looks like, I don't care who you sleep with, I don't care how much money you have, I don't care where you live. As long as you don't directly affect me in a harmful way, we're cool. I don't boo-hoo when someone deletes me from MySpace or Facebook; nine times out of ten, if you delete me, you should have a LONG time ago, or you're deleting me over something petty and ridiculous, and for that, I don't need you anyway. That said, I'm a friend to anyone.
4) I'm NOT unapproachable. A lot of people think that I carry myself far above those that would like to converse with me, as if I wave my hand to people and say "be away from me". I've never done that. Sure, I may scoff at you and I may wave you off, but not because I'm above you; it could be a myriad of reasons why. LOL. Ask anyone who actually knows me, the real me, and they'd tell you that I am an amazing person once you get to know me. I speak to anyone who speaks to me and I have no hame in doing so. Just make sure if I speak to you that you extend that same courtesy.
All in all, I'm just me; love it or leave it. I'm not here to be friends with everyone and I don't particularly like everyone, and I don't HAVE to. If we click, we click; if we don't, SMD. LOL!!!!
I'm out...deuces!!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Racket Racket...
Anyone who knows me knows that I love tennis. If I can find me one good tennis partner here in Jacksonville, I would probably play every single day. It's good for fitness and cardio, so Lord knows I need to get out there.
Last week and this week, I have been following the US Open. For those of you that aren't tennis-minded, it's one of four major championships in the tennis world. It usually draws big names like Serena and Venus Williams, Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Andy Murray, Maria Sharapova, and Andy Roddick, amongst others.
However, I have really been getting into the story of this little girl named Melanie Oudin, who hails from Marietta, Georgia. I don't mean the "little" comment disrespectfully in the least regard. She's quite small, 5'6", and only - get this - 17 years old, but she has a mean game. She put a name for herself in tennis by beating former No. 1 ranked Jelena Jankovic in the third round of this year's Wimbledon (another major tournament), but she is now well-known for defeating #4 ranked and 2008 Olympic gold medalist Elena Demetieva; #29 seeded and another former #1 Maria Sharapova; and #13 seed Nadia Petrova, each of them in three sets. To beat all of those in the course of five days is insurmountable. With Maria Sharapova, Venus Williams, James Blake, and Andy Roddick all eliminated, she and Serena are the only ones I'm really looking out for. This girl is amazing!! She'll definitely be a player to watch from this day on, even if she doesn't win the tournament. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she even got to the finals...she said it herself: "This is really good for American tennis." I couldn't agree more; with the Williams sister being pretty hit or miss, she is the next highest ranked American woman; and she's ranked 70. Serena is currently at 2, Venus 3 (but she'll go down to 4 or 5 depending on the rest of the tournament), and Melanie Oudin at 70? Yes indeed; GREAT for women's tennis.
Given that there's no real American contender for the men's side, I'm looking forward to her playing more in the coming years. She reminds me of a younger Martina Hingis: not much power but supreme finesse. The only American male left in the draw is the 6'9" John Isner, but he's not much of a real player going up against the likes of Nadal, Federer, or even Djokovic. We'll see; but for now, it's all about Melanie...oh, and Serena too. LOL.
Just being honest; Serena would totally beat Melanie, but I think Melanie would give her some go. We'll see...
Last week and this week, I have been following the US Open. For those of you that aren't tennis-minded, it's one of four major championships in the tennis world. It usually draws big names like Serena and Venus Williams, Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Andy Murray, Maria Sharapova, and Andy Roddick, amongst others.
However, I have really been getting into the story of this little girl named Melanie Oudin, who hails from Marietta, Georgia. I don't mean the "little" comment disrespectfully in the least regard. She's quite small, 5'6", and only - get this - 17 years old, but she has a mean game. She put a name for herself in tennis by beating former No. 1 ranked Jelena Jankovic in the third round of this year's Wimbledon (another major tournament), but she is now well-known for defeating #4 ranked and 2008 Olympic gold medalist Elena Demetieva; #29 seeded and another former #1 Maria Sharapova; and #13 seed Nadia Petrova, each of them in three sets. To beat all of those in the course of five days is insurmountable. With Maria Sharapova, Venus Williams, James Blake, and Andy Roddick all eliminated, she and Serena are the only ones I'm really looking out for. This girl is amazing!! She'll definitely be a player to watch from this day on, even if she doesn't win the tournament. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she even got to the finals...she said it herself: "This is really good for American tennis." I couldn't agree more; with the Williams sister being pretty hit or miss, she is the next highest ranked American woman; and she's ranked 70. Serena is currently at 2, Venus 3 (but she'll go down to 4 or 5 depending on the rest of the tournament), and Melanie Oudin at 70? Yes indeed; GREAT for women's tennis.
Given that there's no real American contender for the men's side, I'm looking forward to her playing more in the coming years. She reminds me of a younger Martina Hingis: not much power but supreme finesse. The only American male left in the draw is the 6'9" John Isner, but he's not much of a real player going up against the likes of Nadal, Federer, or even Djokovic. We'll see; but for now, it's all about Melanie...oh, and Serena too. LOL.
Just being honest; Serena would totally beat Melanie, but I think Melanie would give her some go. We'll see...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
BET and TVOne: Who's Really to Blame?
I've been involved in some marvelous communication lately with a couple television executives and some random, 'round-the-way television watchers. It seems as if people are growing incredibly irate with the current state of Black television. I've even read an article on theroot.com concerning The Real Housewives of Atlanta and how black women are portrayed incorrectly. Overall, one resounding theme is that people are looking to BET and TVOne to promote African Americans as educated and intelligent individuals.
I'm not saying that we as a race are NOT intelligent and not educated. We do have a plethora of black-owned businesses, networks, etc. But, neither BET or TVOne are black-owned. One day, we'll come to a place where a fully black-owned mainstream media agent takes the world by storm.
That said, we cannot look to BET or TVOne as outlets of/for our intelligence. Granted, there is some decent educational programs on both networks that offer an insight into Black culture and values and history. But, I have noticed that the network personalities on both have failed to realize that it's not enough. It's just like BET on Sundays...there's about a four hour or so block of television devoted to the church, then it's back to regularly scheduled programming. Gone are the days of BET being completely devoted to God on Sundays.
But, as we delve into the past just a bit and then return to our present and future television, whose really to blame for the lack of educational Black programming on television?
Us.
Yes, I said it:
Us. We are.
It is us who fail to continually support our educational programs on said networks but will desperately tune in to see what Tiny and Toya are doing this week or continually watch rehashed re-runs of Sister, Sister or The Game.
It is us who nominally watched the documentaries on black race and socioeconomic challenges we face but routinely watch music countdowns to see if our favorite video made it to the countdown. It is us who barely watched the presidential coverage on BET but repeatedly watch the BET Awards to see the same thing we've seen twice, three times, or more times before. It is us who wouldn't discuss children's education on TeenSummit but have no problems discussing Beyonce's latest lacefront wig.
I'm not here to point fingers specifically, for I'm not blameless. I do watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I do watch some other reality programming, but I DO KNOW that I cannot blame BET for not showing more educational programming when I know most folks didn't watch it or don't want to watch it. We as a whole don't want to see something intelligent! We want to see whose wig is being snatched off and who's getting beat down or cursed out.
I'll quote a comment left on the article I read on theroot.com:
Truer words are rarely spoken. Gone are the days of even those channels showing programs about space exploration and our history as a people, gone are the days of those channels showing how the world words financially and geologically. We now have rampant reality shows and who-wants-to-date-me type shows. What?
Channels like A&E and Bravo started out well and then changed its format, because WE changed it. BET had some decent programs and shows but soon changed because WE changed. Even MTV rarely shows music videos anymore except roughly between 3am and 10am, simply because that's not what we want to see.
So, because of our nosiness and interest in others' lives and the drama that unfolds when those lives intertwine, we lose programs that could help to propel us and our children into the future. We can't blame anyone until we ourselves can show a vested interest in quality programming.
"We can't blame someone for not doing something we failed to do ourselves..."
I'm not saying that we as a race are NOT intelligent and not educated. We do have a plethora of black-owned businesses, networks, etc. But, neither BET or TVOne are black-owned. One day, we'll come to a place where a fully black-owned mainstream media agent takes the world by storm.
That said, we cannot look to BET or TVOne as outlets of/for our intelligence. Granted, there is some decent educational programs on both networks that offer an insight into Black culture and values and history. But, I have noticed that the network personalities on both have failed to realize that it's not enough. It's just like BET on Sundays...there's about a four hour or so block of television devoted to the church, then it's back to regularly scheduled programming. Gone are the days of BET being completely devoted to God on Sundays.
But, as we delve into the past just a bit and then return to our present and future television, whose really to blame for the lack of educational Black programming on television?
Us.
Yes, I said it:
Us. We are.
It is us who fail to continually support our educational programs on said networks but will desperately tune in to see what Tiny and Toya are doing this week or continually watch rehashed re-runs of Sister, Sister or The Game.
It is us who nominally watched the documentaries on black race and socioeconomic challenges we face but routinely watch music countdowns to see if our favorite video made it to the countdown. It is us who barely watched the presidential coverage on BET but repeatedly watch the BET Awards to see the same thing we've seen twice, three times, or more times before. It is us who wouldn't discuss children's education on TeenSummit but have no problems discussing Beyonce's latest lacefront wig.
I'm not here to point fingers specifically, for I'm not blameless. I do watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I do watch some other reality programming, but I DO KNOW that I cannot blame BET for not showing more educational programming when I know most folks didn't watch it or don't want to watch it. We as a whole don't want to see something intelligent! We want to see whose wig is being snatched off and who's getting beat down or cursed out.
I'll quote a comment left on the article I read on theroot.com:
"It would be great if there was a high-quality cable station devoted to black issues, arts and culture, but for some reason nothing like this seems to fly on cable. Both Bravo and A&E started out with the intent of celebrating the arts, but soon took the low road instead."
Truer words are rarely spoken. Gone are the days of even those channels showing programs about space exploration and our history as a people, gone are the days of those channels showing how the world words financially and geologically. We now have rampant reality shows and who-wants-to-date-me type shows. What?
Channels like A&E and Bravo started out well and then changed its format, because WE changed it. BET had some decent programs and shows but soon changed because WE changed. Even MTV rarely shows music videos anymore except roughly between 3am and 10am, simply because that's not what we want to see.
So, because of our nosiness and interest in others' lives and the drama that unfolds when those lives intertwine, we lose programs that could help to propel us and our children into the future. We can't blame anyone until we ourselves can show a vested interest in quality programming.
"We can't blame someone for not doing something we failed to do ourselves..."
Monday, August 17, 2009
Getting It Together...
I did say some time ago that I was going to come in here and write a lot more often. I think I have become flooded with the Facebook popularity and finally being more active on MySpace; seems only natural that I would come back here. I'm thinking of making this blog the more exclusive one; no more notes on Facebook or blogs on MySpace unless I see fit to post them there. This will give me the opportunity to get back to actually writing. Following the shenanigans of my online and personal friends via their Facebooks and MySpaces are fun; however, they can become quite irritating over time because we all seem to have this different persona when it comes to sites like that. Here is where you will get my innermost thoughts and feelings about a myriad of subjects.
My so-called life? I'm living it. I think I hate the fact that I am still in Jacksonville and have grown complacent to a lot of its foolishness, but I've become too lazy to move somewhere else. My first choice would obviously be Chicago, but after visiting New York City for my birthday and becoming a totally different person while there has bumped that selection near the forefront. Houston is still an option as is Los Angeles. I think I need to really think about where I want to take my life in the next ten years.
I've decided that it's high time to get my career path going. Yes, I have dabbled in the journalism industry after college and it didn't fit my needs at that time, so that's still a viable option. I've toyed with the idea of teaching but the kids these days are scary! Maybe they just need that one teacher that's not going to take their sh*t and slap them around a couple times, like they did in the ol'school. Yes, Target is great and all, and it does pay the bills and has me coming into contact with a LOT of different people and personality types, but Target is a JOB...I want a career. I think I have played around a little too long while some peers younger than me have advanced a little further (I'm not envious at all; I've made my own decisions and lived with them). I think I have had a LOT of fun doing what I want to do when I want to do it...now it's just time to squeeze in some grownmanness. LOL.
I've started singing with a gospel ministry here in Jacksonville and things are REALLY taking off. I'm so excited about them and love the spirit they possess jointly and severally. Our name is Ledger and Voices of Remnant. You can check us out at http://myspace.com/voicesofremnant and even purchase our EP on there. I'm excited and I hope you can share in that enjoyment.
I'm also going to be in a commercial for the Channel 4 ten o'clock news here in Jacksonville. Shooting is taking place this Thursday and I am soooooo excited about that. While I am sitting here typing to whomever I should definitely be trying to memorize my script. Pity I haven't done so before.
And yes, I am quite single and I LOVE it. I do have my people that try to knock down my door but I don't have an interest in them. I have "dated" (and we use that term so loosely these days, but I mean the word "date" not "hookup") a couple individuals without taking it anywhere physically, but in some regards I don't think I am prepared for all the madness and work that goes along with a relationship. I have to get MYSELF together first before I can offer myself to someone else. Feel me?
I'm getting it together. You'll see...stay tuned...
My so-called life? I'm living it. I think I hate the fact that I am still in Jacksonville and have grown complacent to a lot of its foolishness, but I've become too lazy to move somewhere else. My first choice would obviously be Chicago, but after visiting New York City for my birthday and becoming a totally different person while there has bumped that selection near the forefront. Houston is still an option as is Los Angeles. I think I need to really think about where I want to take my life in the next ten years.
I've decided that it's high time to get my career path going. Yes, I have dabbled in the journalism industry after college and it didn't fit my needs at that time, so that's still a viable option. I've toyed with the idea of teaching but the kids these days are scary! Maybe they just need that one teacher that's not going to take their sh*t and slap them around a couple times, like they did in the ol'school. Yes, Target is great and all, and it does pay the bills and has me coming into contact with a LOT of different people and personality types, but Target is a JOB...I want a career. I think I have played around a little too long while some peers younger than me have advanced a little further (I'm not envious at all; I've made my own decisions and lived with them). I think I have had a LOT of fun doing what I want to do when I want to do it...now it's just time to squeeze in some grownmanness. LOL.
I've started singing with a gospel ministry here in Jacksonville and things are REALLY taking off. I'm so excited about them and love the spirit they possess jointly and severally. Our name is Ledger and Voices of Remnant. You can check us out at http://myspace.com/voicesofremnant and even purchase our EP on there. I'm excited and I hope you can share in that enjoyment.
I'm also going to be in a commercial for the Channel 4 ten o'clock news here in Jacksonville. Shooting is taking place this Thursday and I am soooooo excited about that. While I am sitting here typing to whomever I should definitely be trying to memorize my script. Pity I haven't done so before.
And yes, I am quite single and I LOVE it. I do have my people that try to knock down my door but I don't have an interest in them. I have "dated" (and we use that term so loosely these days, but I mean the word "date" not "hookup") a couple individuals without taking it anywhere physically, but in some regards I don't think I am prepared for all the madness and work that goes along with a relationship. I have to get MYSELF together first before I can offer myself to someone else. Feel me?
I'm getting it together. You'll see...stay tuned...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Bullseye Bullsh!t...
I'm going to try to get up in here a little more often to actually write stuff. I'm not going to try to get all meaningful or anything like that, but just basically explain my so-called life as I see it.
So, of course, most people that know me, know that I work at Target. It's a wonderful little company that tries so hard to establish itself as a diverse company (catch that subliminal message in there, if you can). Anyway, I can honestly say that I love what I do, whenever I do get the chance to really do it. But, as of late, I have really been encountering a LOT of foolishness that I typically DO NOT tolerate.
Back in October of 2008, I was the Food Avenue Team Leader. It was such a thankless job, for I was always under the impression that I was doing such a horrible job, even though I couldn't see where I was doing so badly. Nevertheless, the opportunity arose for me to become a GSA - Guest Service Attendant. Anyone who knows me knows I wanted to be a GSTL - Guest Service Team Leader, but the GSA position is not a lateral move, but more of a demotion. I was NOT interested in taking a marvelous steep decline in pay, so I negotiated to keep a reasonable amount of my pay for my voluntary demotion. It was accepted, so I accepted the position.
Some parts of me feel as if I have sold out or something. Granted, Food Avenue was a very stressful position to have, but it feels as if a lot of the responsibility of the Front End has been squarely placed on my shoulders, unnecessarily. I have been approached to "raise the guest survey scores", because everyone knows that I am quite friendly and approachable. That said, since I switched over, the survey scores have relatively increased and the Front End has gotten a LOT better, in my opinion.
However, it seems as if there is TOO mch responsibility placed on my position, even though it is NOT a team leader position. What is that about? Then, there are a couple persons that are in the team leader position (I won't divulge names simply to avoid feather-ruffling; I know for a fact that people google my name and this particular blog will come up, thanks) that DO NOT fit the particular position. I'd like to not feel like there is some favoritism, nepotism, or even some sense of discrimination (racial and sexist) going on, but it's hard to NOT take notice, if I can be so honest. You mean to tell me I can be reprimanded for sitting on the Guest Service desk and "talking about non-team member issues while the registers are in backup", but a certain GSTL can run rampant amongst the aisles in the store "helping guests"? You mean to tell me that a certain GSTL can continually remind me that I have no real control over the Front End because I am "just a GSA", but I can still be subject to disciplinary action for not closing registers and cleaning? Yo mean to tell me that I can be scheduled as a cashier (sans Wednesdays, my closing nights) but when a GSTL is scheduled he should NEVER touch a lane?
Maybe I'm just crazy. I'm going to leave this right where it is before this becomes a novel.
So, of course, most people that know me, know that I work at Target. It's a wonderful little company that tries so hard to establish itself as a diverse company (catch that subliminal message in there, if you can). Anyway, I can honestly say that I love what I do, whenever I do get the chance to really do it. But, as of late, I have really been encountering a LOT of foolishness that I typically DO NOT tolerate.
Back in October of 2008, I was the Food Avenue Team Leader. It was such a thankless job, for I was always under the impression that I was doing such a horrible job, even though I couldn't see where I was doing so badly. Nevertheless, the opportunity arose for me to become a GSA - Guest Service Attendant. Anyone who knows me knows I wanted to be a GSTL - Guest Service Team Leader, but the GSA position is not a lateral move, but more of a demotion. I was NOT interested in taking a marvelous steep decline in pay, so I negotiated to keep a reasonable amount of my pay for my voluntary demotion. It was accepted, so I accepted the position.
Some parts of me feel as if I have sold out or something. Granted, Food Avenue was a very stressful position to have, but it feels as if a lot of the responsibility of the Front End has been squarely placed on my shoulders, unnecessarily. I have been approached to "raise the guest survey scores", because everyone knows that I am quite friendly and approachable. That said, since I switched over, the survey scores have relatively increased and the Front End has gotten a LOT better, in my opinion.
However, it seems as if there is TOO mch responsibility placed on my position, even though it is NOT a team leader position. What is that about? Then, there are a couple persons that are in the team leader position (I won't divulge names simply to avoid feather-ruffling; I know for a fact that people google my name and this particular blog will come up, thanks) that DO NOT fit the particular position. I'd like to not feel like there is some favoritism, nepotism, or even some sense of discrimination (racial and sexist) going on, but it's hard to NOT take notice, if I can be so honest. You mean to tell me I can be reprimanded for sitting on the Guest Service desk and "talking about non-team member issues while the registers are in backup", but a certain GSTL can run rampant amongst the aisles in the store "helping guests"? You mean to tell me that a certain GSTL can continually remind me that I have no real control over the Front End because I am "just a GSA", but I can still be subject to disciplinary action for not closing registers and cleaning? Yo mean to tell me that I can be scheduled as a cashier (sans Wednesdays, my closing nights) but when a GSTL is scheduled he should NEVER touch a lane?
Maybe I'm just crazy. I'm going to leave this right where it is before this becomes a novel.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Musical Support...
What's going on people?
I know it's been a while since I have posted, but life has taken me in many different directions. Believe me when I say that my future is looking bright!! I've enjoyed more time with my family, I have been in the studio a little bit doing some session vocals, and I have been blessed to purchase a car that I LOVE. God is so awesome.
Okay, so, I wanted to talk about something today. As I was sitting in the Comfort Suites hotel (my mother and youngest brother have come down to visit), I had a good conversation with the front desk attendant. He happens to have a gospel group in the Jacksonville area, and we spoke about things and the music life here.
What dawned on me and what I told him was that it is really good to hear local groups actually support each other. He had gone to a concert for another gospel artist, and he had taken his group to show support. Now, I thought that was pretty admirable, because a lot of times you will have groups trying to outsing each other and outdo each other. It's good when groups can come together and enjoy a service together without someone oversinging or trying to show off how they may be better than the other.
I've noticed, in my long years of life, lol, that a lot of people and groups in the music industry (in each genre) will try to outdo the next artist. I've seen it in a music showcase and I've seen it at the Stellar Awards; I've seen it at the GMWA Convention and I have seen it at the Grammys. Everyone seems to be interested in seeing who can sing better than who, who can harmonize better, who can riff or run better, who has clearer runs, who can outgrowl you, and who shouldn't ever be singing at all to begin with. I think it's such a shame, when the focus should either be on the ministry or on the music (depending on which genre). That's why I was VERY glad to hear that an artist had no problems supporting the works of another.
I hope that when I get deeper into the music industry (if I ever choose to do so), people will actually notice that it's not about the melismas and the tightest beat...it SHOULD be all about supporting one another's craft. I'll pray on it...
I know it's been a while since I have posted, but life has taken me in many different directions. Believe me when I say that my future is looking bright!! I've enjoyed more time with my family, I have been in the studio a little bit doing some session vocals, and I have been blessed to purchase a car that I LOVE. God is so awesome.
Okay, so, I wanted to talk about something today. As I was sitting in the Comfort Suites hotel (my mother and youngest brother have come down to visit), I had a good conversation with the front desk attendant. He happens to have a gospel group in the Jacksonville area, and we spoke about things and the music life here.
What dawned on me and what I told him was that it is really good to hear local groups actually support each other. He had gone to a concert for another gospel artist, and he had taken his group to show support. Now, I thought that was pretty admirable, because a lot of times you will have groups trying to outsing each other and outdo each other. It's good when groups can come together and enjoy a service together without someone oversinging or trying to show off how they may be better than the other.
I've noticed, in my long years of life, lol, that a lot of people and groups in the music industry (in each genre) will try to outdo the next artist. I've seen it in a music showcase and I've seen it at the Stellar Awards; I've seen it at the GMWA Convention and I have seen it at the Grammys. Everyone seems to be interested in seeing who can sing better than who, who can harmonize better, who can riff or run better, who has clearer runs, who can outgrowl you, and who shouldn't ever be singing at all to begin with. I think it's such a shame, when the focus should either be on the ministry or on the music (depending on which genre). That's why I was VERY glad to hear that an artist had no problems supporting the works of another.
I hope that when I get deeper into the music industry (if I ever choose to do so), people will actually notice that it's not about the melismas and the tightest beat...it SHOULD be all about supporting one another's craft. I'll pray on it...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Goodbye...(Musicking Lisa)
I'm sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor as I type this (on my phone, no less), practically ignoring text messages and the like...
God has a way of bringing things to an end when you don't want to, but need to. I was thinking of a particular person who is trying to come back into my life, and I was dreading the decision to cancel them out. Reading my friend Corey's note about "cancelled programming" (Yes!!) was a good start...
Then, I'm half-listening to Lisa Fischer's So Intense album, half-pretending to clean my room, and I hear the last song on this CD. Mind you, I haven't ever really listened to the whole CD (I mean, it was released in the early 90s), but this particular song has been on repeat for the last three hours.
Last Goodbye
Lisa Fischer
I knew that this was coming
There'll be no looking back for me
I'm kind of glad it happened this way
There's not much more I can take
It's never easy when you have to bid a farewell
Right now I'm in a daze; I only hope I'll live to tell
Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye
I'll have to start from where I'm standing
There'll be no looking back for me
Understand that it's over and done
Love will take my memory
Soul doesn't grow with life
We must allow old wounds to heal
At least that's what I'm told
I only know the way I feel
Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye
It's never easy when you have to bid a farewell
Right now I'm in a daze; I only hope I'll live to tell
I know there's gonna be pain
But for some reason I'm not afraid
Because even the darkest night
Always leads to a brighter day
Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye.
Yep...def gonna mail this one out...or even email it.
God has a way of bringing things to an end when you don't want to, but need to. I was thinking of a particular person who is trying to come back into my life, and I was dreading the decision to cancel them out. Reading my friend Corey's note about "cancelled programming" (Yes!!) was a good start...
Then, I'm half-listening to Lisa Fischer's So Intense album, half-pretending to clean my room, and I hear the last song on this CD. Mind you, I haven't ever really listened to the whole CD (I mean, it was released in the early 90s), but this particular song has been on repeat for the last three hours.
Last Goodbye
Lisa Fischer
I knew that this was coming
There'll be no looking back for me
I'm kind of glad it happened this way
There's not much more I can take
It's never easy when you have to bid a farewell
Right now I'm in a daze; I only hope I'll live to tell
Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye
I'll have to start from where I'm standing
There'll be no looking back for me
Understand that it's over and done
Love will take my memory
Soul doesn't grow with life
We must allow old wounds to heal
At least that's what I'm told
I only know the way I feel
Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye
It's never easy when you have to bid a farewell
Right now I'm in a daze; I only hope I'll live to tell
I know there's gonna be pain
But for some reason I'm not afraid
Because even the darkest night
Always leads to a brighter day
Tears will dry; make room for new ones I will cry
Pain subsides; we'll both survive the last goodbye.
Yep...def gonna mail this one out...or even email it.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
10-28-08...Reflection...
Whattup peeps? I'm in my reflective mode...and this will be one of the most personal blogs I have ever written...
Today is October 28, 2008...as most everyone knows, my father passed away about three months ago (thirteen weeks to the day). Today, he would have been 49 years old.
I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. I've never been extremely close to my father, but that stems from me not really accepting the fact that he did the best job he could. I looked around at my friends, and even some of my family, who still had both their mothers and fathers as a permanent part of their family. Yes, I was an envious child; seemed to me the best families had both parents at home.
To no discredit to either of my parents, I had always wished that they were both there...maybe I would have grown up a different person? Don't get me wrong...I LOVE the me that I am today. Strong-willed, independent, opinionated, sarcastic, and critically analytical person that I am, I have grown into myself. Yet, I often wondered how I would have turned out had my father and mother been married and raised our family together. I'd be a lot closer to my sister and maybe most of our family wouldn't be so disjointed...
My father did the best job he could...he and my mother weren't married, and I wrongfully blamed him fully. He and my mother were both in the navy, deployed at different times, stationed at different places, simply because he and she were not married. Growing up, I never fully understood that...but it made me a bitter child towards my father. I'd blame him for the slightest things...I never hated him, ever at all...just wished he was there.
As I got older, I noticed my way of thinking was quite biased and even jaded. Nevertheless, I always realized that he wished he were closer to me...and wanted the best out of our family possible. He always spoke highly of his children and his family, even though, most of the time, we were some of the most dysfunctional people you would ever see. We needed our own reality TV show! LOL. Nevertheless, he had a deep-rooted sense of family that, even after his death, still holds today. I still run into people, via email and in person, that tell me how often he spoke of me, his son, doing so much educationally and being a role model for him. Go figure! The son being a model for the father? Surely, I MUST do that honor some justice, for he was a role model for me...
Yes, I miss him...yes, I wish I could take back all those years of misguided envy and loathing. But, I thank God for his time here on Earth...because he has helped me grow in more ways than one...
I think sometimes that I could never be the man my father was...but, I don't think I want to be anymore. I want to be the best me that I can be, based on his life and his experiences. Yes, I look like him, hell, even close to his twin. LOL. But, I'm me...
And that's just what he has taught me to be.
Love ya pops...rest easy. Be of good work to the Lord...
William Bailey - October 28, 1959 - July 30, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Opinionations...
Hey hey, whatcha say?
So, check it. I've been lurking around a bit, reading some blogs here and there, and I'm seeing a resounding theme...and it's a bit disturbing to me.
There seems to be an influx of people who are unwilling to accept one's opinion...and right within my own close network.
I'm friends with a multitude of people who have differing and similar opinions on various subjects. There are times when I have vehemently disagreed with someone's opinion and there are times when I have fully supported someone's decision. However, I have never superimposed my opinion on anyone, nor have I ever engaged in a mudslinging campaign to denounce someone's opinion as blatantly biased and subjective...
Yes, it's wrong for someone to engage in name-calling and childlike retorts because your viewpoint differs from that of another; but, it makes you NO BETTER when you judge someone and criticize them for having a differing point of view.
We are all grown, consenting adults, and we all have the mental tools to agree to disagree in our debates without resorting to insults and namebashing campaigns with others. That shows a vindictive, retaliatory spirit that can eat you from your core without you realizing it...
And it's not a good look for your intelligence.
That's just my $0.02, 2¢, whatever...
So, check it. I've been lurking around a bit, reading some blogs here and there, and I'm seeing a resounding theme...and it's a bit disturbing to me.
There seems to be an influx of people who are unwilling to accept one's opinion...and right within my own close network.
I'm friends with a multitude of people who have differing and similar opinions on various subjects. There are times when I have vehemently disagreed with someone's opinion and there are times when I have fully supported someone's decision. However, I have never superimposed my opinion on anyone, nor have I ever engaged in a mudslinging campaign to denounce someone's opinion as blatantly biased and subjective...
Yes, it's wrong for someone to engage in name-calling and childlike retorts because your viewpoint differs from that of another; but, it makes you NO BETTER when you judge someone and criticize them for having a differing point of view.
We are all grown, consenting adults, and we all have the mental tools to agree to disagree in our debates without resorting to insults and namebashing campaigns with others. That shows a vindictive, retaliatory spirit that can eat you from your core without you realizing it...
And it's not a good look for your intelligence.
That's just my $0.02, 2¢, whatever...
Monday, September 29, 2008
Old Folks...
Whattup peoples??
I had an interesting conversation at work with an older gentleman and his wife. From living in Chicago in the 1950s to working in the steel mills of Gary, IN, and from getting a high school diploma at age 25 to seeing Marian Anderson perform live in Carnegie Hall, we ran the gamut of topics and covered a lot of ground. We even had discussions of my goals and dreams.
As we all conversed, I noticed how times have really changed: the prices of gas; the advent of WalMart post Woolco and Woolworth, Benneton, and Zayre; cars costing only four figures instead of five, and so forth. Also, I learned a veryt valuable lesson...
Often, we as youth cast the older generation aside, as if they are just living in senility and visions of yestertear. But, we miss the fact that those same septa-, octa -, and nonagenarians have so much wisdom imparted in them because they have lived through so many different experiences and obstacles that we can only dream of. I learned more in twenty minutes speaking with this couple than I did watching twenty years of BET.
So, the next time one of my elders stop me to speak, I won't shrug them off in a desperate attempt to get away...I'm going to listen.
Just thinking...and remembering Woolworth's on 113th and Michigan...
I had an interesting conversation at work with an older gentleman and his wife. From living in Chicago in the 1950s to working in the steel mills of Gary, IN, and from getting a high school diploma at age 25 to seeing Marian Anderson perform live in Carnegie Hall, we ran the gamut of topics and covered a lot of ground. We even had discussions of my goals and dreams.
As we all conversed, I noticed how times have really changed: the prices of gas; the advent of WalMart post Woolco and Woolworth, Benneton, and Zayre; cars costing only four figures instead of five, and so forth. Also, I learned a veryt valuable lesson...
Often, we as youth cast the older generation aside, as if they are just living in senility and visions of yestertear. But, we miss the fact that those same septa-, octa -, and nonagenarians have so much wisdom imparted in them because they have lived through so many different experiences and obstacles that we can only dream of. I learned more in twenty minutes speaking with this couple than I did watching twenty years of BET.
So, the next time one of my elders stop me to speak, I won't shrug them off in a desperate attempt to get away...I'm going to listen.
Just thinking...and remembering Woolworth's on 113th and Michigan...
Friday, September 5, 2008
Reality...
The other day, I was walking down the street with my cousin George, my father, and my brothers, Tre'Von and Brandon, headed towards the park just to play catch-up. It had been a LONG time since I had seen any of them and it was good to have them all in the same place, just talking and what not. It had been a while since I was back home in Chicago anyway, so we all decided to just hang out and chill with one another.
As we were walking, I noticed an old friend, Terrence White, that I hadn't seen since eighth grade. I told my family that I would catch up with them, and that I had to go say wassup to Terrence, seeing how I hadn't seen him in 13 years. I ran into a store, following him. Upon entry, I noticed that he was nowhere to be found. I looked, looked, and looked again, to no avail. Where in the world did he go?
Finally, I heard some voices coming from above; instinct told me to look up. At the top of some stairs, there he was, coming down. "Oh my God, it's Terrence White!" I said to him, which elicited a smile from him. "Wow, Jamaal Bivens, the smartest dude in Higgins," he said. We shook hands, hugged, and grinned at each other. What seemed like an eternity passed as he and I played catch-up, updating each other on the goings-on in our lives. Then, I realized that my family just might be looking for me, so we exchanged numbers, and I promised to call him when I returned to Jacksonville.
After walking for a bit, I finally caught up with my family, as they were nearing the park. My youngest brother, Tre'Von, had the silliest idea that he could pick me up. "Jamaal, I can, watch!" he said as he proceeded to bear-hug my thighs and attempt to hoist me in the air. I laughed at his determination; my younger brother, Brandon, laughed as well. Brandon then told Tre'Von, "This is how you do it." As he attempted, I told him, "Now you know you are 'Skinny Minny', so there is no way you are picking me up." Of course, he couldn't. I glanced at my cousin, who looked back at me and said, "Now you know I ain't even trying."
My father laughed at each of them. "Come here Jamaal, you know I can get you," he said to me with his trademark sheepish grin. I leered at him. "Dad, you know I am taller than you. How do you profess to pick me up?" Now, knowing that I'm 6'4" and about 220 pounds, that's no easy feat. But, my father picked me up, and even told me to sit on his shoulders, and I happily obliged. I'm sure to anyone walking or driving by that this had to be an awkward sight; a huge, giant of a man sitting on another man's shoulders. But, to me, it reminded me of a childhood that I wish I had; growing up with my father. I laughed and grinned and cheered like the youngest 26 year old ever. I was a kid again!
We stayed in the park for about an hour or so, catching up, singing, and laughing. Suddenly my father said, "Hey, how about we go to your grandmother's house so she can cook you something?" He and I laughed really hard at that notion, because we couldn't immediately think of the last time Grandma Ora actually cooked something. As we started to walk, I looked around and then it hit me. "Dad, we aren't going to walk all the way to Grandma's house, are we?" He laughed and said, "Boy, now I know you think I am the peak of fitness, but if we started walking now, I'm sure we'd get there by next week." I laughed at him and then felt kind of silly, realizing how far she really lived. And then it hit me...
"Dad, we can't go to Grandma's house." He stopped walking and looked really puzzled, thought a bit, and then looked at me quizzically and asked, "Why not?" I looked down at my feet, not really wanting to admit it out loud, but seeing the reality of the situation. "Because she died last year."
He looked at me, somber at first, and then perked up and said, "No, that was just a dream." I looked at him, trying to understand fully what he just said. I know for a fact I was there at Grandma's funeral; I couldn't've dreamt that. I looked around and suddenly, I didn't know where I was. Even though I hadn't been in Chicago in a little while, somehow, we were no longer in my neighborhood, or even close proximity. It almost reminded me a little of...Central Park?
"No, wait...none of this is right...this is all wrong," I said, unknowingly, out loud. My father looked at me as if I was crazy, and asked "What's wrong?"
"All of this," I said. "You, Grandma, Brandon, George...this isn't right." The levees had broken and I could feel the heat as each tear flowed down my face...
And I woke up. I looked at the clock, and it was 4:28am. I looked around, and I was in my room in Jacksonville, in moonlit darkness. And I cried myself back to sleep.
RIP: Cousin George (1983-2005), Grandma Ora (1934-2007) and Dad (1959-2008)
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